Let me tell you the sad tale of a Canadian dog named Diamond.
When the German Shepherd was adopted by the loving Michaud family of New Brunswick, she found herself surrounded by a society that is taking away its people's ability to defend themselves while simultaneously enforcing mandates that fathers must refer to their children as "boys" even if they are, in every sense of the word "fact," girls.
Diamond, who by all reports is a very good girl, was shocked.
Eager to escape the maple-flavored dystopia, Diamond hatched an elaborate plan. Seizing on the opportune moment when the Michauds had driven four hours to a hockey game, the 17-month-old canine broke out through an open garage door and made a mad dash for the American border of Maine.
The garage door had been opened by Mrs. Paryse Michaud's father, who immediately gave chase as Diamond escaped down the street. Having felt her first breath of freedom, however, brave Diamond kept on running, heading for the Star-Spangled forests of the United States of America!
"I cried and I cried. I was in a panic," said Paryse Michaud when she heard the news, most likely upset that her dog would flee to such a systemically oppressive place like America. "I was walking like crazy in the hotel room having my phone in my hand and praying that someone can find my dog."
After seeking help on social media, Paryse was informed that Diamond had last been spotted heading toward U.S. Customs. After successfully crossing the border, Diamond evaded capture by various individuals for six hours, finally darting into the garage of a home in St. John, Maine.
Just when Diamond thought she was home free, however, an American friend of the Michaud's (who apparently hates liberty) located and recaptured her.
Getting Diamond back across the border involved some work, since travel has been restricted due to COVID-19. In a daring escapade akin to smuggling a person back into East Germany, the Michaud's American friends managed to transfer Diamond to some Canadian acquaintances who held onto the poor pooch until the Michauds returned.
As of Sunday, Diamond had been reunited with the Michauds. Her fate is unknown, but we do know it involves living in Canada and listening to French for the rest of her life.
Note: We are very happy that this international pup was reunited with her family and bear no actual ill will toward our northernly neighbors (mostly).