Ever wonder what those wacky Jehovah's Witnesses believe?

In case you have trouble keeping track, JW's are the ones trying to shlock the Watchtower magazines on you. Not to be confused with the 19-year-old bike-riding "Elders," or the people offering to vacuum your living room, or the people who just "happen" to be doing roofing in your neighborhood and can conveniently offer you a discount.

Well, wonder no more!

...About the JW's, at least. I have lots of questions about those other groups.

What the cartoon doesn't cover is the fact that JW's generally don't believe that they'll receive eternal life. Instead, they just hope to be resurrected for an indeterminate amount of time. And they have a magazine that they treat like an ongoing new New Testament (I can only imagine how embarrassing it is when they have to print retractions). And they don't celebrate birthdays or holidays.

I'm not positive, but I think this is a deleted scene from the JW cartoon.

To be honest, I'm one of those weirdos who actually loves getting visits from these guys! I love finding out what other people believe, and try to understand it better. Our conversations go something like this:

Me: "So, you believe that if you're really good in this life, you might get resurrected later? But there's no guarantee?"

JW: "Yeah, I'm hoping that I'll be worthy."

Me: "Okay... can I be resurrected if I'm just really good, even if I don't believe all the same things?"

JW: "Well... you could..."

Me: "Great! Then I'm just going to keep believing my beliefs, which already encourage me to be good. If I'm right, then as a Christian, I'm guaranteed eternal life, not based on my personal performance. If you're right, then I have the same chances of being resurrected as you do... but I still get to celebrate birthdays and Christmas!"

For some reason, it's been a while since they stopped by to visit.