CNN is taking a break from ignoring the border crisis, human trafficking, the perils of socialism, and the rise in addiction and suicide to lecture us about how fonts are now racist:

What does this mean? Simply put, it means our betters in the mainstream media are really scraping the bottom of the barrel to make everything and anything about race.

"It's hard not to cringe at the Chinese stereotypes bundled up with each font package — especially when seen through the lens of today's heightened vigilance toward discrimination and systemic racism," said writer Anne Quito. "Critics believe that using chop suey typefaces is downright racist, particularly when deployed by non-Asian creators."

I can imagine how this article got written. It's 5 p.m. at the CNN headquarters. Brian Stelter is somewhere bowing down to an idol of Joe Biden and Don Lemon is practicing the waterworks for later when he learns some Americans don't believe woke things.

A group of frustrated writers sits in a conference room, trying to figure out how they can spin the news to make the political left look saintly.

Finally, after a long and awkward silence, Anne Quito looks down at her leftover Chinese and has an idea: fonts are racist.

"White politicians, meanwhile, have been using chop suey fonts to stoke xenophobia for over a century," said Anne.

She then listed the exhaustive number of times this has happened in the last century and a half – all two cases in total.

CNN then bullied Texaco into bowing before the Altar of Woke for a WWII poster that showed an evil-looking caricature of a Japanese soldier:

"Texaco's World War II posters are regrettable and inconsistent with Chevron's values," said the modern-day weenies running Texaco, apologizing for a slightly off-color poster made while their grandparents were fighting the abject evils of the Japanese regime.

I expect CNN to run a similar story blasting Japan for making FDR look like Frankenstein and misappropriating Western-style fonts and numbers:

CNN went on to name a hit list of companies it feels are using racist fonts, which is the Left's favorite way of getting American businesses to do what they want.

"But can a font, in itself, truly be racist?" Anne asks rhetorically.

The answer is no, but that didn't stop her from connecting Asian-styled fonts to the Nazis!

Now about halfway through this garbage article, the reader is informed that any stylistic font based off traditional calligraphy is cultural appropriation.

"'Oriental simulation fonts' (or letterforms designed with aesthetic markers of a particular culture) didn't just approximate Chinese calligraphy. Decorative fonts like El Dorado or Taco Salad were designed to represent Mexico. The same goes for the Pad Thai font, which borrows strokes from the Thai script. Similarly, there are a host of crude, hand-drawn fonts purporting to capture the aesthetic of the entire African continent."

In practicality, this means all branding and content everywhere will only be allowed to use double-spaced 12pt Arial so that no one is racist. Then the world will be perfect!

Here's the real kicker, though: CNN admits that a lot of Asian businesses use the font and don't seem to mind (while implying they are all just under the spell of whiteness):

"It's worth noting that, in 1930s America, some Chinese immigrants themselves used chop suey fonts on their restaurant signs, menus, and advertisements, as a way to heighten the exotic appeal of their establishments."

Here were a few of the best reactions to this ridiculousness:

Meanwhile, in another corner of the internet...

Comedian Tim Young said it best:

"This piece leaves me with more questions than virtue signals. Which fonts belong to which demographics? Does this mean Times New Roman is a Caucasian font? Is the old typewriter font for elderly people? Are there straight and gay fonts or fonts based on the 54 genders? I need to know. I'm so confused at this point."

As Dr. Jordan Peterson has wisely said, what the Left doesn't realize is that the endpoint of these stupid identity politics games is the fracturing of society down to the individual.

Make sure to go grab some Chinese or Thai food this week and compliment them on their menu design!