Look me in the eye and tell me that EXACT headline wouldn't have been a 🔥 Babylon Bee op-ed just a couple years ago.

You can't do it. Because it would have been. How do I know? Because I created the Babylon Bee and ran it for two years and would have written and published the dang thing myself.

Are we really doing this? Are we really going to examine the president who freed the slaves and, despite the fact that he lived in a time that was so different from our own — early-to-mid 1800s — that it might as well be a different planet, we're really going to pore through the details of his life to see if he ACKCHYUALLY lived up to the impossible (and absurd) standards of today's race-obsessed / BLM / woke / cancel-culture zeitgeist?

"Well Adam, you know, there may have been some problematic issues with Lincoln's attitud--" NO. Stop. You're problematic. And spoiled. And soft. And not self-aware. And ignorant of history. And your narcissism allows you no capacity to see the world as it really is. You can't see more than 3 feet in front of your own face — just far enough to take selfies and consume avocado toast and vanilla lattes.

CNN is rapidly becoming a parody of themselves. The Left is becoming un-parody-able. (I should start a site highlighting the insane things they do and say that seem like they should be satire but are actually real life. Oh wait...)

And no, I'm not going to link to that CNN donkey food. Google it for yourself if you want. It's terrible, unworthy of your time.

DiD bLaCk LiVeS MaTTeR tO AbRaHaM LiNcOLn? It'S CoMpLiCaTed

Heck outta here with that Orwellian garbage.