Colorado man tries to pay for Burger King with meth, proceeds to go on least-successful shooting spree of all time
· Apr 25, 2024 ·

Move over Bitcoin, there's a new alternative currency on the market: Methamphetamines.

While it's certainly easier to get ahold of than Bitcoin, it's accepted at even fewer locations as payment than the cryptocurrency. (Hard to believe I know.)

Not even Burger King will take meth, as Colorado man Eugene Robertson found out when he tried to pay for his order with a small baggie.

When the employee informed him that meth is not in fact a suitable currency, Robertson pulled a gun.

The Burger employee still declined, so Robertson left.

"I can't imagine how traumatized these victims were not knowing whether the defendant would pull the trigger while pointing a gun at them," 18th District Attorney John Kellner said in an April 18 news release. "I commend the Aurora Police Department for quickly apprehending this dangerous defendant and ending his crime spree."

Crime spree? Oh yes, this story is far from over.

After leaving the Burger King, Robertson drove to a 7/11 to try his new currency there.

Unfortunately, he had left his preferred payment type behind at the Burger King, so this time he went straight to the gun, which is arguably more widely accepted.

But not at this 7/11, as there was someone else at the gas station with a gun, so they shot at each other for a while.

Nobody got injured or killed, except a poor security TV.

Apparently bored at this point, Robertson eventually went home, where police finally caught up with him because he went over to his neighbor's apartment and (you guessed it) shot at her front door and sliding door when she wouldn't let him inside.

Again, no one was injured, even though there were multiple people inside.

When the police showed up, one of them fired at the armed Robertson ... but also missed.

Miraculously, the night ended with no one getting hurt and Robertson being arrested.

The police report said, and I quote,

"During his arrest, Eugene said he was not physically hurt, but his ‘feelings were hurt,'" the affidavit said.

His feelings!!!

I think when he gets released without bail (it is Colorado, folks), Robertson and everyone involved in this ridiculous tale should look into new careers.

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