DC mayor Muriel Bowser delays extremely urgent emergency life-saving mask measures two days so she can have her birthday party. And then it gets even better.

Aug 2nd

A charitable interpretation would assume this was purely a coincidence.

I mean like really charitable, not just tossing-a-few-coins-in-a-hat charitable, but donating-a-building charitable:

In her defense, Dave Chapelle was there, and according to recent CDC guidance, the presences of celebrities helps reduce the viral loads of the Delta variant by the equivalent of your latest ticket sales.

There were a couple of reasons why she was not, technically speaking, violating her own mask mandate. First, it was sort-of-kind-of outside in a rooftop bar. A very enclosed, crowded, rooftop bar.

Yes, you are supposed to be masked unless you are "actively eating or drinking" per the new guidelines, but that's really difficult when you're with the mayor and don't have to.

Second, as mentioned at the top, the mask mandate she ordered and determined the timing of didn't kick in until hours after the last champagne glasses were clinked and the final obsequious toast was made.

Talk about luck.

Hours AFTER the mandate kicked in, she did it all again.

Despite the mayor's order, the wedding reception featured hundreds of unmasked guests served by dozens of wait staff, including a conspicuously unmasked Bowser.

Huh. It's almost as if she doesn't believe the rules apply to her.

Bowser, who was not sitting at the table designated for her during wedding toasts, did not wear a mask despite not actively eating or drinking. When approached by the Washington Examiner to explain why she was maskless at an event now legally obligated to enforce mask compliance, security blockaded the free press.

Probably for their protection, what with how dangerous and contagious the Delta variant is.

Perhaps we should revisit her order and see if we missed something.

Let's stay in this together, DC.

She certainly is "staying in this together," if by "this" she meant the "Line DC, a four-star hotel located in the Adams Morgan neighborhood of DC."

And you have to admit, they do look pretty "together."

By masking up, we can protect our community and keep DC open.

She is passionate about "protecting our community," which you can tell by the passionate manner in which her assistant types those words.

Words are everything, they tell you what a person really thinks.

Actions can be so deceiving.

Let's take a look at the order itself so that we may better understand the reasoning behind her commitment to keeping you safe.

Coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19): Mask Guidance for the General Public.

That explains a lot right there. This guidance is for "the General Public." Who's the "General Public?"

That would be you.

Who isn't?

We're going to guess "Mayor Bowser."

The Delta variant currently poses a serious concern. It is much more contagious than the original strain of the COVID-19 virus and is spreading rapidly in the United States. The latest research shows that even fully vaccinated people can spread the Delta variant to others. The threat of the Delta variant makes it even more important for us all to do our part by following mask recommendations and getting vaccinated as soon as possible.

See that expression on Mayor Bowser's face? That's an expression of "serious concern" about the Delta variant "spreading rapidly in the United States."

That, or gas.

Naturally, she denies it ever happened no matter what your lying eyes might tell you.

To review, a day after issuing a new mask mandate meant to "protect the community," Bowser and hundreds of her closest friends violated it just before it kicked in, and then violated it again a day later, right after it kicked in.

It's good to be the mayor.

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