My fellow countrymen (and womxn), last night the ancient leader Nancy Pelosi came out to deliver her remarks for a gathering of Democrats from across the land.
But something was amiss.
A white object dropped out of her pants as she walked!
The object's movement was clearly felt: As Christ felt power go out from him when the sick woman touched his cloak, so too did Nancy Pelosi sense that something had gone out from her.
Of course, all of the network news video clips on YouTube cut out this embarrassing little part, except for ABC News, which had a less helpful angle of Nancy looking back at whatever fell out of her pants.
I slowed down the video for you so we could all see exactly what happened. Pay particular attention to the way the object falls at the very end.
Did you notice it?
Whatever fell out of her pants had a bit of heft to it.
Because we're very sciencey at Not the Bee, I decided to conduct a test of the two most probable objects that fell out of Nancy's pants: Toilet paper, or a note/card.
Here's what it looks like when both objects fall on a long edge:
As you likely knew before ever watching my homemade video, the notecard looks a lot more like the object that Nancy dropped.
Does that mean it isn't some kind of 10-ply toilet paper that the queen bee uses after she eats premium ice cream from her commercial freezer? I have no idea. I'm just a mere peasant and not prone to insights on Pelosi's hygiene products or her insider trading.
The angle of the video makes it hard to see exactly where it dropped out - if she had been carrying it in her left hand or if it had been inside her power suit's coat pocket.
If anyone out there was undercover at the DNC and got a good look at Nancy's left side, they could unlock the rest of this mystery!
(Looking at you, Matt Walsh and James O'Keefe!)
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
