Folks, March 2022 will forever be remembered as the month when the Dorito's Index—long a reliable indicator of broad economic solvency—crashed and burned:

Food company Frito-Lay has cut down the number of chips in each bag of Doritos as record inflation has raised production expenses.

A bag of Doritos has five fewer chips than it used to, the company told Quartz. "Inflation is hitting everyone. … We took just a little bit out of the bag so we can give you the same price and you can keep enjoying your chips," a Frito-Lay representative said.

You know...time was this sort of cruel injustice was enough to launch a revolution in this country. Once there were men here who would've responded to a Dorito chip reduction in no uncertain terms:

We're not the same country anymore, plainly. We'll not only tolerate infringements on our Doritos's rights, we'll put up with a full-scale constitutional crisis:

Other ubiquitous consumer products have fallen victim to "shrinkflation," Quartz reported...[A] box of Wheat Thins now has 28 fewer crackers.

Our favorite munching pastimes are being gradually proscribed by the incompetence and mismanagement of Joe Biden's economy. I hate to say it, but these are the times when men begin to consider truly dire avenues of remedy: Snacksession, perhaps, if not out-and-out Skittle war.

Okay I couldn't resist those jokes. I'm sorry, folks.

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