As desperate humanity continues to search for something, ANYTHING to blame for obesity besides people stuffing their faces with too much food and never exercising, we are happy to report that The Science™ has discovered a new possible cause: loud airplane noises.

That's right, according to a Boston and Oregon University study, nurses living near airports nationwide who endured plane noise 45 decibels or greater were 5% more likely to be obese.

We know correlation is not causation, but this doesn't even seem like much of a correlation.

The common-sense denizens of the internet were not having it:

The risk of obesity increased with louder noise: at 55 decibels or greater, people had an 11% greater likelihood of having an obese-level body mass index.

The author of the study is Dr. Matthew Bozigar.

If you want to waste an hour and get a peek at what our ivory-tower university intellectuals are spending God-given time and our tax dollars on, here he is talking about this dumb study:

He could've saved a bunch of time and just asked these guys:

P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇