Men, it's hard to shop for your beloved on Valentine's Day.

If it were up to us, women would like a signed football jersey, a new short-barreled AR-15 with a quality red dot and a suppressor, or a replica of Anduril, Flame of the West – the sword of High King Aragorn, son of Arathorn.

Alas, God made men and women different—

—and we'll have to settle for chocolates, jewelry, fancy dinners, and/or roses.

Or none of those things.

Or just some of those things, but not other things, because if we get the wrong things, the fate that awaits us is worse than if we forgot the day altogether.

Valentine's math is hard.

Anyway, one thing's for sure: this new potato perfume is bound to get you in your lady's good graces!

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From the Idaho Potato Commission:

The Idaho Potato Commission (IPC) has bottled one of the world's most irresistible scents, fresh Idaho® Potato French fries just in time for Valentine's Day. Frites by Idaho is a limited-edition fragrance available only on the IPC's website.

A recent national survey conducted by Pollfish, revealed that nearly 90% of Americans find the smell of French fries irresistible. "Whether you're at a drive through restaurant or dining in, it's near impossible to not grab a fry and take a bite before you dive into your meal. The smell is too good to resist," explained Jamey Higham, President and CEO, IPC. "This perfume is a great gift for anyone who can't refuse a French fry."

Frites by Idaho is made from distilled Idaho potatoes and essential oils. The 1.7-ounce crystalline bottle retails for $1.89, about the price of a large order of French fries.

You may be skeptical. After all, who loves potatoes so much that they'd want to smell like them?

Let me offer you concrete evidence that will crack the female mind wide open and unlock its secrets.

• Every time I go out to eat and order a burger or another sandwich, I order fries. I mean, why wouldn't you?
• My wife, however, sometimes doesn't order fries, saying she isn't really hungry for them.
• Yet when my fries arrive, they mysteriously disappear as she steals them off my plate!

My only conclusion is that women don't want you to know how much they love french fries (and all other potato-y goodness), but that they secretly long for their deep-fried tubular goodness. It makes perfect sense that they'd want to secretly be wearing the scent of their forbidden love!

I must not be the only one who thinks this way, because the bottles all sold out rather quickly – but they still have an Instagram contest to win free ones!!

You're welcome, you manly men! Now get this gift for your wife or girlfriend and let me know how it goes!

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