First off, if you haven't seen the hilarious milk commercial from Aubrey Plaza, it's worth the 1:48 run time.

Their website is also really funny, especially the FAQ with gems like:

Does Wood Milk expire?

Yes. But you have to pour out the milk, reassemble the pieces of the trunk and count the rings.

I know Parks and Recreation is just a make believe television show, and Aubrey isn't really April.

But tell me Ron Swanson wouldn't be proud of his protégé for sticking it to the hippies.

Even more so for this Reeeee-action from Vox screaming about how plant-based milk is real milk too.

Besides just look at those poor cow slaves on dairy farms being forced to provide milk for humans.

We should all be more humane and virtue signal by guzzling plant pulp instead.

Now, I know I'm going to get some pushback about how some people lack toes or something and can't drink real milk, but can we at least acknowledge that the point of the commercial is right on.

People with legit medical problems with milk need an alternative, but it is an alternative to the real thing.

While we're acknowledging things, can we also acknowledge why all these plant-based foods are pretending to be animal products?

Why almond and oat extract are called "milk" instead of juice.

Or why we call them veggie-burgers and not grilled veggie-mash.

We all know why.

Because meat and animal products are delicious, and vegans and vegetarians are living a lie.