Last night, the totally-with-it President of the United States delivered an address on "moderate radicalism" to a mostly empty chamber of Congress.
In his speech, he talked about how the neckbeards trespassing at the Capitol came within INCHES of overthrowing all civilization and plunging 'Murica into the abyss of another Dark Age.
The solution, Joe proposed, was a complete overhaul of said democracy in a move that is most certainly not replacing it with communism!
(This will, of course, cost ANOTHER $1.8 trillion of your money.)
The first step? Why, doing more than building back better and building back by building back better! Take it away, Joe!
A few people noticed how Biden's promises of a glorious American utopia fell a little flat, considering how he'd subtlety promised everyone $2,000 if they voted for him... but is now congratulating himself on sending only $1,400 out the door.
Others pointed out how Biden's focus on buying American products and supporting American jobs sounded like a copied version of his predecessor's plans:
I guess Joe didn't stop plagiarizing after that whole debacle in his first run for president back before I was born!
Some noted how Biden has been in the halls of government for half a century, which means he is certainly the one to fix the problems he and his comrades made:
Biden also talked about how he and ol' pal Emperor Xi have traveled 17,000 miles around the globe together!
I'm pretty sure there was a book and a movie made about this:
Others were confused by a statement Biden made about Mars and vaccines:
Thankfully, government agencies like NASA were there to correct Biden's incorrect verb tense use, changing Biden's "we're on Mars discovering vaccines" to the grammatically-correct clause separation and usage in the following clip:
I sure am glad our most well-spoken president has plenty of people running interference for him. That last dude got skewered for bad grammar!
Biden also spent a moment talking about how he's 100% coming for all your guns, repeating the lies that inherent rights aren't absolute and that you can't yell "fire" in a theater:
I'm sure the fAcT-cHecKeRs will get right on that again. In the meantime, since constitutional amendments aren't absolute, it might be fun to stop paying my income taxes!
Here was the highlight of the speech (listen toward the end):
Just for kicks, Biden let us know that the government wants to start indoctrinating our kids earlier:
Overall, anywhere between 70-85% of viewers (all 10 of them) said they felt optimistic following Biden's speech:
The rest of us outside the woke media cult felt like Ted Cruz:
Don't take my word for it. Listen to Amber from Washington:
"It's just not what America needs rights now."