For too many decades now, we've allowed the frightful arms dealers at Japanese export company Nintendō kabushiki gaisha to ship dangerous guns over to vulnerable American children.
Community activists have been warning for years that this lenient trade policy is going to result in an uptick in crime. And I'm afraid that day has finally come:
25-year-old David Joseph Dalesandro was arrested following a robbery at a Kwik Stop convenience store in Sharon, South Carolina. He is accused of walking into the store on Tuesday evening with a mask, wig, and hoodie on before demanding money from the register.
According to the York County Sheriff's Office, Dalesandro was also carrying the "Duck Hunt" pistol that he spray painted black...
Just look at this weapon of war:
Just imagine this young man, who has the blue-hair that seems to always signal mental illness, and the happy, successful life he'd be living if he hadn't become what crime experts call a "Nintendo Bro."
Hey! Stop laughing! It ain't funny!