I think it's a lovely gesture to invite the local police over to your house for Thanksgiving.

Inviting them over to your neighbor's house? Less so.

Oregon Governor Kate Brown ordered a Covid "freeze" during which, gatherings in your own home are limited to no more than six people from two different households. This freeze includes Thanksgiving.

When asked in an interview point-blank if Oregonians should call the police if they see neighbors violating the governor's edicts, she responded (at the 3:12 mark in the video),

"This is no different than what happens if there's a party down the street and it's keeping everyone awake. What do neighbors do [in that case]? They call law enforcement because it's too noisy. This is just like that. It's like a violation of a noise ordinance."

Getting together with loved ones for Thanksgiving is just like a rave party!

The reporter pressed her further, noting that what she said sounded like a "yes," people should call the police on their neighbors for having more than six people over for dinner in their own house. Her answer,

"Yes."

What are the potential penalties if you decide to invite Uncle Kevin over for a slice of pumpkin pie and he puts you over the limit?

"Brown's order lays out that those who 'knowingly' violate the order would face a Class C misdemeanor charge, which carries the potential for a $1,250 fine, jail time or both."

This is all being done through an executive order, which is a sanitized way of saying autocratic decree.

Other elements of her freeze include:

Gyms, naturally, best to keep the populace docile and weak. But gardens? Outdoor pools?

It's like she's just testing Oregonians. "Let's see if they'll swallow this?"

And mandatory mask-wearing of course. Everywhere and all the time, with only a handful of exceptions.

For example, her empress deigns to permit you to go face-naked in your own house, and even your own car!

Why, you are even permitted to pull the mask off if you have to eat or drink, which I understand is pretty common in the state.

"Eating or drinking."

We are deeply humbled by her munificence.

Not only that, but you may also remove your mask while in the shower.

• "Engaged in an activity that makes wearing a mask, face covering or face shield not feasible, such as when taking a shower."

She doesn't say anything about shaving, so good news for you neckbeards!

And you are permitted to pull off your mask when the police come to arrest you in your own house over Thanksgiving so you can be properly identified and processed, which really only makes sense.

"Removing the mask briefly because your identity needs to be confirmed by visual comparison, such as at a bank or if interacting with law enforcement."

This holiday is about giving thanks, so thank you, Governor Kate Brown, thank you for keeping us safe.

Alone and afraid, but safe.

And isn't that what life is really all about?