I wish this were parody, my friends:
You probably still think I'm joking, so I'll warn you that when you realize the above person is really serious, you'll feel like a truckload of bricks just fell on you from a third story window.
You've been warned!
This individual goes on to share the story of this Australian actor Keiynan Lonsdale, saying reporters need to stop misgendering him and use his preferred pronoun of "tree."
Here's what the actor had to say in the linked article:
"Okay, this might sound stupid, but I don't care. I don't think this is offensive, but I don't want to go by ‘he‘ anymore. I just want to go by ‘tree.'"
Why is this?
BECAUSE WE ALL COME FROM TREES, DUH!
"I want people to call me ‘tree‘ because we all come from trees, so it doesn't matter if you're a he or a she or they or them.
At the end of the day, everyone's a tree. I want to call my friends tree, and me tree, and everyone tree. So, I think like when people ask me what my preferred pronoun is, I'm going to say tree. I'm not high by the way, this is just me."
This actor, as you may have guessed, also has a fluid sexuality that changes every day:
"It just depends on the day, sometimes I'm bisexual, sometimes I'm gay, sometimes I feel straight, sometimes I'm not anything."
Remember: you are NOT allowed to criticize this subjective reorganizing of reality.
Someone in the comments brought out word usage examples to help us do better:
The most disturbing thing of all this though?
This tweet has more than 50,000 likes.
Brace treeselves: this ride is getting wilder all the time.