Its the biggest crisis America has had to face in decades. Bigger than the Bay of Pigs, bigger than Watergate, bigger than the disappointing final season of Lost:
Kamala Harris doesn't like her Vogue cover photo.
Fortunately, America has long-established systems in place to address such crises and bring them to a peaceful conclusion.
I'm speaking of course of Twitter.
It's like reading the Federalist Papers only more punchy.
The controversy started when the Harris team was informed of the cover choice and realized it was not the one they had thought they had agreed upon.
It's the kind of double-cross you only see maybe once in a generation and bears an unmistakable resemblance to when Beijing joined the WTO and then immediately reneged on its promises to engage in fair trade practices. While that might have had grave and lasting ramifications to America's security this is much worse.
This will have grave and lasting ramifications to Harris's insecurity.
The cover on the right, which Vogue will now be using for their digital edition, was the one Harris expected. The one on the left will remain on the print edition.
You can clearly see, right there in plain sight, Harris is wearing a pants suit that is AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COLOR.
Not only that, but her arms are crossed as opposed to her hands being clasped which I'm pretty sure will soon be revealed to be a secret white supremacy sign so secret that not even white supremacists know about it yet.
And then there is the sneaker controversy. I am not sure how I feel about her wearing her trademark sneakers on the cover of Vogue but that's only because I haven't given it any thought beyond the time it has taken me to type out this sentence.
As if we needed any more evidence that this was a hit piece, check out this line from the article:
HARRIS'S NATURAL CHARISMA and relatability lend her a version of what you might call the Obama effect.
It's like I'm watching Hannity here or something.
To my knowledge, no legitimate journalist has ever once suggested Kamala Harris had charisma or was in any way relatable.
FACT CHECK: False.
Much of the criticism centered on how very white and probably racist Vogue chief Anna Wintour is.
The criticism of the photo itself was broad, made by people who could easily helm the most successful and influential fashion magazine in the world for decades if, you know, they really wanted to.
But the biggest controversy was the fact that Harris does not appear black enough.
You know who probably knows a thing or two about darker skin tones?
A photographer who has darker skin tones.
Observers are insisting that magazines like Time and Elle got it right.
Here's a closeup of the "whitewashed" Vogue cover.
And here's the totally authentic Time cover.
Ummm... Can anyone help me out here?
Here's a genuinely random sample of photographs I pulled off of a Bing search for "Kamala Harris." These are just the first that showed up.
Sometimes I wonder if it's really the photography they object to.
How might Vogue and Wintour be held accountable for their perfidy?
It's not clear, but I'd start making marketing plans that don't include social media. Or apps. Or a web site...