Is there anything better than stirring up a hornet's nest on a Monday??
This guy on Twitter put together some great thoughts on why married men do not need to have women friends. He addresses the common objections to his contention and makes the case for why men and women shouldn't be buddies with the opposite sex.
Here are his thoughts:
In May I put out this tweet:
I received a lot of hate but WAY more support. People had questions and I want to flush this out in more detail. Let's start with the definition of friend and acquaintance.
Friend:
Acquaintance:
When I say that married men shouldn't be friends with women, I'm not saying they can't be acquaintances. At every job I've worked, the women coworkers were my acquaintances. How do I know we were only acquaintances?
When I left work for the evening we didn't call or text or hang out. After I quit the job we never spoke again. Does that sound like a friendship? Not at all. What about my wife's friends? They're not my friends. How do I know?
We don't call or text or hang out without my wife. If my wife breaks off her friendship then I'll never see her again. Going to birthday parties, church, and Christmas celebrations doesn't make us friends. We're connected by my wife, nothing more.
If I only talk to you because of… My job, My wife, An event… Then we're not friends. Remember the definition of friendship? "One who is attached to another by affection." We're not attached by affection, we are attached by a common connection.
What if I see a woman from work at the grocery store? I'll stop and say hi and make small talk out of respect, kindness, and human decency.
What if I see my wife's friend stuck on the side of the road? I'll stop and offer help out of respect, kindness, and human decency. When I get home and I see my wife I'll tell her I saw…
Your friend and helped.
So and so from work and said hi.
This is not how I treat my friends, this is how I treat acquaintances.
How do I treat my friends? We chat in the DM's. We text daily and call daily. We send memes and jokes and videos. We talk about raising kids, work, marriage, religion, and working out. We hang out and drink coffee or beer.
We are connected by affection and it drives us to talk and laugh and make memories. I'm not doing those things with…
My friends.
And My wife.
Why would I try to build an affectionate connection with a woman that's not my wife?
Should I be texting, laughing, and joking with them? Should I be treating them as "one of the boys?" Absolutely not. Women are not men and shouldn't be treated as such.
People in the comment sections and QRT's hit me with:
"So you can't have female friends because you are afraid you'll try and have sex with them?" Or "So you only ever have female friends with the intent of having sex with them?"
No, no, no, no. But these comments are worth talking about.
Should men and women protect their marriage from potential adultery? Every sane person would answer this with a "yes." Some of the best Spiritual Leaders, Politicians, and Leaders have committed adultery.
You're an idiot to say that you're immune to the possibility of it happening. "HA Got you, Reeves! You said it wasn't about sex but it is!" Is it *part* of the reason? Yes, of course.
Is it the whole reason? No.
I have zero attraction to some women and I still won't be their friends. If they were the last person on earth and it depended on us to repopulate the planet it wouldn't happen.
Even with zero attraction, I won't be their friend. Why?
Because I have all the female friendship I need in my wife. If I'm going to a movie, concert, coffee shop, dinner, party, or event of any kind I'm going with my wife. Why would I commit my life to one woman and then spend my free time with other women?
I don't want to do anything with them but I want to do everything with my wife. I married her because I love her and want to do everything with her. Imagine she's at home caring for the kids and I'm out drinking beers with a woman from work…
That would never happen because I'd rather have a beer with my wife. Someone commented and said, "You're missing out on all the wisdom women have to offer." No, I'm not.
My wife has a friend that's a nurse. If we have medical-related questions, we call her and talk to her.
I don't need to have female friends to get their wisdom. I can call any of my acquaintances and ask them for their wisdom and they'll gladly give it to me.
I don't have to talk to them every day or go out for coffee for them to be kind or helpful.
Someone else said: "My best friend of 6 years is a girl If I married a woman, what would happen between us in your eyes? Genuine question I'm really curious"
If this was me, she wouldn't be my friend anymore. Harsh? Maybe for some. If she was so great, why didn't you marry her? What does she have to offer you that your wife doesn't? I had female friends before I got married and once I got married we stopped being friends.
My attention was shifted to the woman I committed my life to. If they called me, would I answer? Yes. If they needed help would we help them? Yes. But I'm not going out of my way to choose them instead of my wife.
Most of the QRTs and hate on this concept come from people who see no difference between men and women. Men and women are not the same and shouldn't be treated as such. My wife doesn't have male friends and I don't have female friends.
We've been happily married for 12 years and I've never once had an issue with any of my female acquaintances. This is solid advice and you'd be a fool to disregard it.
In this day and age, we're told that there's no difference between men and women.
That's a lie.
Men, you know this is good advice! Take heed.
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