Are you a regular hum drum guy but feeling left out? Want to get in with the cool LGBTQIA+ crowd and enhance your social media cred?

Well, we're going to need a bigger alphabet!

Permit me to introduce you to the latest in intersectional gender trans bingo: The "gynosexual."

THE NUMBER OF terms and identities under the LGBTQ+ umbrella is ever-growing,...

Yes it is!

The number of actual sexes has kind of been fixed at two for a while (not "gender," that's a grammar term), and you'd think it would be hard to come up with all that many combinations and permutations when dealing with only two, but why should reality be an impediment to your delusions?

...allowing more and more people to describe their sexuality with words that make sense to them.

No one else of course, just to them, almost as if their specific personal preferences were purely a matter of, oh I don't know, individual choice that doesn't really need a whole category dedicated to feeding their narcissistic impulse for social affirmation and the praise of others.

One word you may not have heard...

Possibly because you just made it up?

...that is helping some people express who they are is "gynosexual" (sometimes spelled "gynesexual").

What's a gynosexual, you may ask?

"Gynosexuality refers to being sexually attracted to femininity, irrespective of one's own gender identity or the gender identity of the femme-presenting person they are attracted to," says sex educator Lilith Fox.

Oh yeah, that kind of makes.. wait, what?

"Irresepective of one's own gender identity." Okay, so if you're a dude and you like women, you're straight. If you're a woman and you like women, you're a lesbian. I don't think we need a new term here.

"Or the gender identity of the femme-presenting person." Okay, so as the author later notes, "femininity" is not a defined term, so let's just say you think it's a woman and you're attracted to her. Again, you are straight, or you are a lesbian.

Incidentally, Lileth Fox, the "sex educator" author Suzannah Wiess quotes as an authority? This is her.

Lilithfoxx (she/her) is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky and polyamorous sexuality and inclusivity educator.

Click through her CCV and you'll find she's a "proud former sex worker."

Sounds like a credible source.

"Gynosexual" stems from the Greek word "gyn," for "woman" or "female." "It's a relatively new term in the lexicon of sexual orientation,

Aren't they all kind of "relatively new?" I think the average age of these is something like seven-and-a-half minutes.

...created...

Well put! Not identified, not discovered, "created," as in fabricated, like a fairy tale or whatever comes out of John Brennan's mouth at any given moment.

...to offer a more inclusive language for people who don't identify within the traditional gender binary," Foxx explains. For instance, if someone is non-binary and attracted to women, "gynosexual" may be a better fit for them than "straight" (which would typically be used by a man) or "lesbian" (which would typically be used by a woman).

If you're a dude, and you're non-binary and yet attracted solely to women, you are not non-binary, you are in fact, extremely binary, the very definition of binary. Embrace your true binary self.

The article goes on like that for a while, the logic growing ever more tortured to the point you can almost hear it begging to be put out of its misery.

I certainly was.

Why do people identify as gynosexual?

They are self-involved status seekers desperate for their next dopamine hit?

Not according to our proud former sex worker.

"One might identify as gynosexual if they feel a consistent pattern of sexual attraction towards femininity," Foxx says.

Why might you do that? If you "feel a consistent pattern of sexual attraction towards femininity," you don't need to identify as anything. It would be like calling yourself "humansexual," for people who "feel a consistent pattern of sexual attraction to people who identify as humans."

However, the feminine traits people are attracted to vary. "Some gynosexual individuals may be drawn to the physical aspects of femininity, such as feminine features or expressions of femininity," John explains. "Others may be more interested in emotional or psychological aspects of femininity, such as qualities traditionally associated with femininity, like nurturing, empathy, or sensitivity."

The piece goes on to note that, get this, women are different. No, really! They have different personalities, different preferences, different forms of dress and behaviors. It's almost as if they are individuals!

But why treat people as individuals when we can lump them into groups, the better to dehumanize them and prepare for the coming Marxist paradise.

If you're wondering if they have a flag despite being five minutes old, yeah, of course they have a flag.

It's always about the swag. Always.

Well, I guess if we're going to slice and dice femininity into minute meaningless characteristics, I'm coming out as a blondesexual.

I always knew I was different. Even as a young boy. All my friends liked Veronica but not me, I preferred Betty. I kept it to myself, of course, fearful of what my friends might think. "So, you're one of them, huh?" I pictured them berating me.

But now, finally, there is a name for my extremely personal and meaningless preference and I can be my true self. Do I get a flag of my own?

I used to subscribe to Men's Health back when it was for, you know, men, and not transactivist fetishists.

This is it now.

That, and how to build bigger biceps. Which probably now has something to do with being a bicepsexual.

And if you're happening to wonder what other pieces Weiss, the author and certified sex educator, and sex/love coach has written lately for Men's Health...

Don't. Serously, don't.

The piece concludes with this question.

How do I know if I'm gynosexual?

I'll save you some reading:

You aren't.

Don't forget your flag on the way out.