Prepare to be confused: NC governor declares "Gender Expansive Parents Day" for those who don't identify as a mother or father
· Dec 18, 2020 ·

The vast majority of species on earth reproduce in a dichotomous fashion. Whether the offspring is carried in the womb, a pouch, a seed, a nest of eggs, or as a cute little parasite waiting to burst out of some unsuspecting tarantula, most multicellular plants and organisms have male and female DNA that combines to form a unique new organism.

Despite this basic fact of biology that dominates the natural world, we humans – gifted with intelligence, creativity, emotion, and knowledge that mirrors the very image of God – are increasingly finding new ways to satisfy our desire to break the molds of reality itself.

Hence we come to another mind-boggling event in our journey toward the subjective abyss. This one featuring Gov. Roy Cooper of North Carolina, who has established December 6 as a "Gender Expansive Parents Day" to ensure no one is left out who doesn't identify as a mom or a dad.

Yes, whether or not you produce sperm or have ovaries means nothing anymore. Long ago in our struggle for sexual equality – circa 2017 or so – a transgendered individual could simply identify with the gender they now prefer, with children having two moms or two dads or maybe a mom and a dad who both think they belong to the opposite biological sex.

However, as we expand our list of preferred genders faster than the expansion rate of the universe itself, we've progressed past the basic biological understanding of "mother" and "father" to a limitless smorgasbord of parental titles.

"All parents, regardless of gestational relationship to a child, gender identity, or gender expression, deserve to be celebrated for the love and nurturing they give to their children," said Gov. Cooper in a sentence my logical, God-given mind can't really understand.

"Gestational relationship?"

My oh my.

If you're wondering if there's a set of Woke "gender-neutral" parental titles, then yes, yes there is.

Here are a few of them:

  • Dommy
  • Maddy
  • Zaza
  • Zither
  • Cenn
  • Par

Imagine this played out in a real life scenario:

Teacher: "Johnny, would you like to introduce the class to your parental units?

Poor Little Johnny: "Sure! This is my Zither, Liam, and my Zaza, Bailey. Oh, and my Zither is also married to my Dommy, Tatum, and my Zaza is married to my step-Maddy, Corey."

The governor issued his totally-based-in-reality statement at the request of State Representative Vernetta Alston.

"Mother's and Father's Day celebrations often exclude gender-expansive parents, neglecting the valuable roles they play in the lives of their children," said Alston. "Becoming a more inclusive state will require… making the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people more visible. This proclamation does that."

When your definition of "inclusion" means denying the structural foundations and scientific realities of the world around you, I think you might be on some shaky ground.

It might also be hard to get intolerant babies worldwide to stop their oppressive use of sounds like "mama" and "baba." How rude of them.

But that's just my humble opinion as an evil white, cis-gendered, Christian father.

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