Everyone's favorite Indiana mayor is back, and this time he's sad about how hard it is to live in a DC apartment with his husband while he plans to spend trillions of your tax dollars on "infrastructure."

That's right, the super objective Washington Post ran a full article about the husband of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, letting you know that they are just the most wholesome gay guys to ever come out of the Midwest.

You can tell that this article is going to be the greatest journalism that was ever journaled by the opening paragraph:

Chasten Buttigieg put on a few pounds during quarantine. So in April, with pandemic restrictions easing and two doses of vaccine safely in his arm, he set about looking for a gym to join in the city where he had relocated after his husband, Pete, became the secretary of transportation.

This has "hard-hitting" and "Democracy dies in darkness" written all over it.

Chasten, 32, was the breakout star of Pete's 2020 presidential campaign. The middle-school drama teacher was a novelty. Not just because he was the man married to an openly gay presidential candidate, but because he was young, a savvy and self-effacing user of social media, enthusiastic about pop culture in a way that didn't feel strained or strategic.

SUUUUUPER HARD-HITTING JOURNALISM, GUYS!!

But alas, as a Midwestern woke person, Chasten is just not in touch with his coastal betters:

In Washington, Chasten is more of a fish out of water than he was on the campaign. He remains bewildered by many of Washington's social mores.

What are some of the hardest adjustments the men have had, you ask?

Why, showing up in a polo shirt to a party where everyone else is wearing suits and having to have their expensive suits tailored because they gained five pounds! How embarrassing!

"We're going to take those out the maximum," Chasten says, pulling at the thigh area of a new pair of suit pants two weeks later as he turns to examine himself in a three-way mirror at a Nordstrom in Arlington.

He bought the grayish-green suit on winter clearance, but never bothered to have it tailored. Now the tailor has bad news. The slim-cut pants can't be made much wider.

"Well, hopefully I get smaller," Chasten quips. "I'll do my best not to sit down."

Yes, these guys are definitely fish out of water in DC and they are totally relatable to the average American.

Oh, they also are having to find an apartment with Pete's high-end salary!

Before we get into that, however, I need you to read this sentence and understand how disgustingly our nation's journalists fangirl over leftist politicians:

Pete Buttigieg, who declined to be interviewed for this story, seems a natural fit with Official Washington's coterie of overachievers who never take a break. His gig in the Biden Cabinet seems to be going great; on Friday, Politico gushed that Pete had "redefined" transportation secretary as a premier posting, declaring him the winner of the recent infrastructure-bill drama on Capitol Hill.

Live look at WaPo:

Now on to the housing woes:

The Buttigieges themselves moved into an 800-square-foot, one-bedroom apartment near Eastern Market. "We couldn't afford the one-bedroom-plus-den," Chasten says. They chose the high-end building because of its location and the security it offered — the couple has faced threats and even a break-in back in South Bend. Rent for currently available two-bedrooms start at $5,650, though Chasten says they got their one-bedroom for closer to $3,000 by locking in a long lease that gave them two months rent-free.

"We're doing fine for ourselves, and [yet] the city is almost unaffordable," he adds, while driving their Subaru Outback up I-395. "Which tells you how extremely unaffordable it is for many people." (The transportation secretary's salary is $221,400.)

Oh no! How could they POSSIBLY afford to pay $36,000 in rent annually with a $221,400 salary plus kickbacks and royalties?? They'll be living like peasants! Peasants, I say!!

Even worse, the language you just read was actually updated by WaPo after people started laughing at it, just to make sure they didn't paint a glorious comrade in the wrong light:

Before:

After:

Other people noticed the ridiculousness of this entire segment on housing woes. Journalist Matt Whitlock had the best insights:

Other people cried foul on this nonsense as well (language warning):

I'll let Dr. Harambe have the final word: