I'm sure I'm not alone in asking the obvious question:

Was it real pepperoni, or "beef pepperoni," because people often don't make the distinction.

As it turns out, the woman said she was cold and hungry making it quite clear that this man was very single because there is no way you are cold and hungry, open a refrigerator, and grab the pepperoni unless that's literally the only thing in there. Right next to the Coke and Jim Beam.

Police tracked down the pepperoni perpetrator at a nearby church and took her into custody. Hopefully she'll get the help she needs.

As for the victim, goodness man, get yourself some vegetables.