Last week started off on a high note, as people everywhere transitioned seamlessly from the Easter Trans Day of Visibility to April Fools Day. The web developers at The Babylon Bee and Not The Bee are legendary for playing epic pranks on subscribers, and this year's hijinks did not disappoint. For example, this is what our Bee Forum News looked like off and on throughout the day on April 1st:
After Monday, the week got kinda boring. Or so you might think if you have not yet read the shocking news tirelessly reported by Bee subscribers who identify as undercover fake news reporters. It is amazing what the mainstream 'news' completely misses. It's not their fault, really. They are handed a list of approved things to report on, questions to ask in interviews, opinions they may express - and frankly all of that is quite boring. If you had to save our democracy from the voters, you would probably write boring news too. But not us! We think democracy is mostly fine and the voters are mostly smart and also that the news shouldn't be boring because all kinds of weird things happen all the time, some of which are reported below. Enjoy!
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
- Clueless Boomer Uses Word Declared Offensive 5 Minutes Ago @showquest
- Earthquake Traced To Everyone Moving Out Of New York Simultaneously @disidente_redactico
- Will The Last Person Moving Out Of DC Please Turn Off The Gaslight @gfanson
- Taco Bell Avoids California Minimum Wage Hike By Not Serving Real Food @dontslowtheearth
- Trump Airdrops Big Macs Over California @drconservativeprof
- Local Roman Bureaucrat Unsure How To Handle Request For Undeath Certificate @unclecrumpty
- Biden Has Air Force One Repainted With TransAmerica Logo @annafillaxis
- Biden Sports New Man Bun To Appeal To Youth Vote @kirgol
- New Deepfake Biden Easily Outed Due To Ability To Speak In Full Sentences @pure_teej
- L.A. Gas Prices Jump To $6 Per Gallon Prompting Republicans To Register Voters At The Pumps @dorli
- Babylon Bee Techies Bored And Choose April 1 As Their Visibility Day @ruthiej714
- Historians Believe Thomas Also Asked Jesus For 3 Forms Of Paper Identification @leecory
- Oops! NASA-Approved Eclipse Glasses Accidentally Reveal The Lizard People @priehle
- Christian Gives 10% To The Actual Big Guy @ohdear
- Man Who Splurged On Exciting New ‘$100 California Burger' Bummed It's Just A Whopper @anythingelse
- Matt Walsh Earns Spot On Trump Supreme Court Short List @buzzyboy
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
- Worship Leader Having Trouble Hitting High Notes Now That Skinny Jeans Are Out Of Style @retrops
- Mayor Adams Says If Crime Wave Continues He Might Have To Arrest People @howiescheer
- Hamas Announces Trans Day Of Hanging @bmy61
- Dems Cry Election Interference As Texas Restores Border @edterri7788
- Enoch Still Receiving AARP Letters In Heaven @swanfam
- "Just As Rubbing Aloe Vera On The Back Of One's Neck Can't Cure A Gunshot To The Toe, You Can't Cure Your Sin Problem By Rubbing Aloe Vera On It" - Op-Ed By Youth Pastor Chet Skatington @batknight
- New Season Of ‘Lost' To Feature Kids Left Behind In Ikea @beehappy2
- Historians Believe Solomon's Hokey-Pokey And Chicken Dance Skills Were Legendary @leecory
- California Announces Huge Fines For Owners Of Fast Food Restaurants That Go Out Of Business @vetdad
- Scientists Discover The Cure For Trump Derangement Syndrome Is $2 Gas @disidente_redactico
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
- 0.99 Cent Stores Closing, Soon To Re-Open As $9.99 Store 'Same Great Products With New Bidenomics Pricing!' @snarkybasset
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on The Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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