Where would we be without experts and scientists?

If you passed on getting the COVID vaccine, you might be a lot more likely to get into a car crash.

Or at least those are the findings of a new study published this month in The American Journal of Medicine. During the summer of 2021, Canadian researchers examined the encrypted government-held records of more than 11 million adults, 16% of whom hadn't received the COVID vaccine.

They found that the unvaccinated people were 72% more likely to be involved in a severe traffic crash — in which at least one person was transported to the hospital — than those who were vaccinated. That's similar to the increased risk of car crashes for people with sleep apnea, though only about half that of people who abuse alcohol, researchers found.

You know how it is. You're driving along, unvaccinated, not a care in the world, when suddenly...

What, exactly, is the explanation for this astonishing hypothesis?

Of course, skipping a COVID vaccine does not mean that someone will get into a car crash. Instead, the authors theorize that people who resist public health recommendations might also "neglect basic road safety guidelines."

You got that right: If you skip the experimental mRNA jab, you might just be a Mad Max-style road warrior lunatic!

Oh, and then there's this:

The findings are significant enough that primary care doctors should consider counseling unvaccinated patients on traffic safety — and insurance companies might base changes to insurance policies on vaccination data, the authors suggest.

What a treat to live in an age of such rationality!

UPDATE:

The editor-in-chief of The Babylon Bee has responded to the article with a somber note about reality putting satire out of business:

😭😭😭