As 2021 ramps up to new levels of insanity, a new, important revelation broke this morning:
Sen. Ted Cruz is a time traveller.
Sure, sure, you may call me a conspiracy theorist, but consider the evidence:
Before we establish the facts in this very real and very serious news, let's review a few key points.
- Cruz has jokingly claimed to have a doppelgänger before (in Kevin Malone from the Office). This was obviously a brilliant ploy to throw us off the scent. Nice try, Senator!
- Cruz has neither confirmed nor denied that he is the infamous Zodiac Killer, but instead taunts us mercilessly on social media.
With these details in hand, we now come to the photos above. The man to the left of Cruz is allegedly Prince-elector Otto-Henry of the House of Wittelsbach, a German-Bavarian dynasty under the Holy Roman Empire that still has descendants sitting on a throne (Queen Elizabeth II).
Otto-Henry was reportedly born in 1502 and supposedly died in 1559.
You and I, however, know the truth.
The find came by accident on Thursday through a random meme on Reddit, where people quickly noticed the similarities.
Here's a photoshop someone made of the two merged together:
The question remains: where will Sen. Cruz pop up in history next? Perhaps in the court of Julius Caesar? Lurking in the halls of the Library of Alexandria? The signing of the Declaration of Independence? The Feeding of the Five Thousand? The parting of the Red Sea? Outside the church door of Wittenberg castle?
