Look at this headline from The NYT:
"Who survived."
Literally everyone in America with monkeypox except for one immunocompromised individual has survived.
Yet the Gray Lady wants you to feel like these "survivors" are returning war heroes.
Look at the dude on the featured photo:
Miguel Anda spent a month quarantined with monkeypox.
Dude, he didn't storm the freaking beaches of Normandy. He got a nasty virus from having sex with other men.
Miguel Anda, a nightlife host and sex worker known professionally as Boomer Banks, hardly noticed the odd-looking pimple that appeared on his face on June 2, when New York City had fewer than a dozen diagnosed cases of monkeypox. He had read about monkeypox, however, and it worried him.
Oh no! A male prostitute got an STD?
It's D-Day all over again!
Think of the trauma!
This poor soul deserves multiple featured photos in a New York Times article!
New lesions appeared on his face on his 42nd birthday, and their extreme itchiness kept him awake for two days. The lesions left his face "ravaged," he said.
If only there were some way to avoid this horrible pain!
The New York Times goes on to detail other war stories from the ragged band of brave survivors, like the case of gay man Brian Rice.
At first, the genital pain increased, making it harder to sleep, but the medicine soon had a dramatic effect. The pain and swelling eased, and his anxiety waned.
He allowed the dog to lick his face again, but just his ear.
Moving on...
Other survivors detailed how they had to survive eating bacon and pancakes with their medication.
Joshua Moran's prescription for Tpoxx came with surprising instructions: Take it with a meal of at least 600 calories and 25 grams of fat. (The fat helps the medication's effectiveness.)
"This is the only time a doctor will tell me to eat this poorly," he recalled thinking. He cooked four strips of bacon and downed two Eggo waffles with extra butter and syrup.
Can you imagine??
In the comments, New York Times subscribers tried to be helpful by advising all the gay men to not stop having gay orgies, but to simply have gay orgies with older gay men.
Make sure to honor these brave survivors for receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error!
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
