This column had me in absolute stitches.

Feminists, please never change. This stuff is comedy gold.

Here's WaPo columnist Kate Cohen, who took the time to write an article about J-Lo taking Ben Affleck's last name and why it hurts the feminist cause:

Here's the title of the article:

Are you ready to be shamed, women?

Cause this lady is gonna heap burning coals on your head, which is the only thing the woke know how to do.

Twenty-five years ago, my soon-to-be-husband and I made lots of choices for our wedding: where, when, by whom, what to wear and what to say.

One was easy: whether to change my name. Honestly, I never seriously considered it.

My father used to describe attending this or that wedding of a former student, only to have the woman he had taught as "Miss Person" reintroduced post-ceremony as, essentially, "Mrs. Guy Manson."

"And just like that, she disappeared," he would say.

This particular opener had one Mr. Ben Shapiro laughing:

Truly, this woman is an inspiration to the Patriarchy everywhere!

I took this to heart when I was young — and was reminded of it recently when I read that Jennifer Lopez, after marrying Ben Affleck, changed her name to Jennifer Lynn Affleck.

Changing her name puts Affleck née Lopez among the vast majority of American brides. Surveys find that between just 11 percent and 16 percent keep their names. The rest choose to conform to a naming convention based on a literally medieval notion that wives are legally subordinate to their husbands.

There it is: The reduction of all traditional teaching on marriage, the roles of men and women, and civil society itself reduced to a caricature of The Inquisition that these feminists have dreamed up in their minds.

Yet some claim that changing their names is in fact a feminist choice.

Logically, if J-Lo is a strong, free woman who has the liberty to make her own choices, then her personal decision to take her husband's last name must be an indicator that women are truly more free and equal than ever before, right?

After all, J-Lo is one of the wealthiest people on the entire planet – in the history of the planet, in fact! Isn't that proof that the feminist fight has reached its goal?

No, sorry. It's the opposite.

The next part is truly the most hilarious part of this article.

See, Marxy Marxists can't have silly notions like freedom running around in people's heads. If women are allowed to do whatever they want, that's not feminism, because feminism means whatever feminists say and if you don't think that way, then you are evil.

This, of course, is why you can't simply be not racist, but you have to be an anti-racist so that the woke leaders can make sure you are following their cult!

Every choice to conform to sexist social norms makes it harder for other women to choose otherwise. Every woman who has plastic surgery or Botox or gets her hair dyed or, yes, changes her name makes it harder for other women not to.

Some argue that what matters is how a woman feels, not what she does. "The non-feminist likely shaves because she feels that she has to for others," explains one blogger, "while the feminist will shave because she wants to do it for herself."

Goodness, no. The feminist knows that the reasons she wants to shave are deeply compromised — and that as long as men aren't expected to do it, doing it for yourself is an illusion.

"Feminism gave women the freedom to choose what they want to do with their lives," declares one columnist, "and they can choose whether they want to wear high heels or not."

No again. Feminism isn't a thing we did and now it's done. Feminism is continually naming and combating the constraints imposed on us by a male-oriented society.

Women, do you like feeling clean and beautiful and well put together?

Well, SHAME ON YOU!

You shouldn't like things like shaving or showering or pretty clothes or getting your hair done.

Instead, you should just look like a hairy, smelly, rumpled man! That'll show the Patriarchy!

Sound like hard work? It is. I certainly haven't always managed it.

"For all have #NotDoneTheWork and fallen short of the glory of Wokeness."

At our wedding, I didn't want to do anything as a bride that wasn't expected of a groom — no bouquet toss, no engagement ring.

Sounds like a fun wedding!

(Wait, isn't marriage itself an invention of the Patriarchy? Whoops!)

But still, as a feminist, I faltered many times on the way toward the aisle. I lost weight for my wedding, shaved my underarms, wore heels and lipstick and virginal white.

Guess what sort of choices those were. Sexist ones. Sure, I could say I looked good in white or I liked the feel of smooth armpits. But any excuse beyond "I gave in" would disrespect the women who do stand up to patriarchal traditions, downplay the enormous power of the forces arrayed against us, and disregard the potential harm created by my sexist choices.

Better to admit I came up short.

💀💀💀

This woman is upset that she was well groomed, healthy, and beautifully dressed for her wedding.

Because beauty is sexist!

I said it earlier, but you do get where this leads, right? If the trans movement creates the literal erasure of women, then feminism creates a soft erasure.

Affleck is navigating a powerfully sexist industry and culture. Just existing within these forces, much less fighting them, is exhausting.

Or, hear me out, maybe you're spending all your energy fighting the wrong battle.

For decades, girls have been told that if they look (and apparently smell) like a man, try to climb the corporate ladder as a man, try to be as strong and fast and athletic as a man, that they will throw off the shackles of man.

It's kinda like saying that you'll escape a prison by tunneling deeper into it.

May I submit that actually, women need to embrace their unique, God-given femininity that is itself a reflection of part of God's very image, just as masculinity is in its own unique way.

Maybe the thing that will free women the most is to embrace the feminine beauty, wisdom, grace, and maternity that no man could ever have or understand – and when they do this, maybe they will change and shape the world in ways they never knew possible.

But what do I know? I'm just one of those unshaven dudes that Kate Cohen wants to be!

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