UPDATE, June 12th: The failing New York Times would like us to know that the tribe is not actually hooked on porn, just that some members of the tribe are hooked on porn, and that we're all a bunch of meanies for noticing this might be a problem ... or something.

I bet nobody saw this coming from a mile away.

Yes, if you give a remote Amazon tribe the internet, they'll eventually come across social media and porn. And once they come across social media and porn, they'll inevitably become addicted to it. Once they become addicted to it, they'll grow lazy and dumb, and they'll become more sexually aggressive.

We could learn something here, Western man.

A reclusive tribe in the Amazon finally got hooked up to the internet, thanks to Elon Musk — only to be torn apart by social media and pornography addiction, elders complain.

Brazil's 2000-member Marubo tribe has been left bitterly divided by the arrival of the Tesla founder's Starlink service nine months ago, which connected the remote rainforest community along the Ituí River to the web for the first time.

‘When it arrived, everyone was happy,' Tsainama Marubo, 73, told The New York Times. ‘But now, things have gotten worse. Young people have gotten lazy because of the internet, they're learning the ways of the white people.'

"Learning the ways of the white people."

They really think being addicted to porn and social media are the "ways of the white people."

(We should be ashamed of ourselves, because they're not wrong.)

About 11% of US males are addicted to porn, and that's just the ones who admit it. Not to mention those of us who are addicted to social media and our phones in general.

So when Elon Musk gives the internet to a remote Amazon tribe in order to try to help them, and then they go and get addicted to porn and social media in the process, we can see how much damage the internet is capable of.

The Marubo are a chaste tribe, who even frown upon kissing in public — but Alfredo Marubo (all Marubo use the same last name) said he is anxious that the arrival of the service, which delivers super-fast internet to far-flung corners of the planet and has been billed as a game-changer by Mr Musk, could up-end standards of decorum.

Alfredo said many young Marubo men have been sharing porn videos in group chats and he has already observed more 'aggressive sexual behaviour' in some of them.

'We're worried young people are going to want to try it,' he said of the kinky sex acts they've suddenly been exposed to on screen. 'Everyone is so connected that sometimes they don't even talk to their own family.'

They're worried young people are going to want to try the kinky sex acts they see in porn? If this tribe isn't careful, before they know it they'll have an entire month devoted to pride in deviant sex acts!

However, the internet connection, brought to them by American entrepreneur Allyson Reneau, has also had helpful effects.

Initially, the internet was heralded as a positive for the remote tribe who were able to quickly contact authorities for help with emergencies, including potentially deadly snake bites.

‘It's already saved lives,' Enoque Marubo, 40, stated.

Members are also able to share educational resources with other Amazonian tribes and connect with friends and family who now live elsewhere.

It has also opened up a world of possibilities for young Marubo, some of whom have been unable to conceptualise what lays beyond their immediate surrounds.

One teen told The Times that she now dreams of travelling of the world, while another says she aspires to become a dentist in São Paulo.

That all sounds great and everything.

Other details show how even remote Amazon tribes are as human as the rest of us: Parents are limiting screen time and people are falling for scams.

‘Some young people maintain our traditions,' TamaSay Marubo, 42, added. ‘Others just want to spend the whole afternoon on their phones.'

Tribespeople became so addicted that Marubo leaders, fearing that history and culture — which is passed down orally — could be lost forever, they have now limited access to the internet for two hours each morning, five hours each evening, and all day Sunday …

Meanwhile, others say that they've fallen victim to internet scams given that they lack digital literacy, while many youngsters are chatting with strangers on social media.

Here's some footage of the Marubo and their new technology:

Boy, this just seems so eerily similar to the way our culture has changed since, say, the early nineties. I think it's time to set some limitations of our own, similar to the ones the Marubo leaders set out for their people.

Who knew the internet could be made into such evil.

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