Ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time in life when you are at a crossroads and must face a hard truth. One that you can no longer avoid; one you must gather your courage and face head-on.
Now is such a time.
We as a culture have been avoiding an important truth for far too long. Afraid to say it out loud or commit it to writing. Well I say no more. We must face the truth. And the truth is that pineapple on pizza is not only good but amazingly delicious – a gift from the Lord that no sane and trustworthy person could turn down.
Why are we so afraid to say it? It's true. We all know it's true. The few demented and disturbed individuals who would argue against the fact that pineapple on pizza is like experiencing a delightfully sweet and salty slice of heaven are pathologically afflicted, as far as I can tell. How could you not invite a combination such as pizza and pineapple directly into your face hole? Makes no sense. These people are twisted, and the rest of us who are of sound mind need to stop letting them make us feel like we are saying something horrible when we admit the truth.
The truth is that pineapple on pizza is a beautiful dance of grease, bread, and exotic fruit that all at once transports its consumer to a lovely land of flavor far beyond the realms attainable by mere dairies, meats, and vegetables.
