Sure you've heard about farting cows, but have you heard about farting trees?
Yep, this is a real article.
Here's another one from the Smithsonian:
And one from Scientific American.
If you didn't know, we are all going to die in approximately [insert 7 years past today's date here] unless we spend a bazillion dollars and plunge the world into a new dark age to cool down the planet by a fraction of a degree!
Part of the problem, it seems, are dying trees that are releasing carbon back into the atmosphere.
Gases released by dead trees — dubbed "tree farts" — account for roughly one-fifth of the greenhouse gases emitted by skeletal, marshy forests along the coast of North Carolina, researchers report online May 10 in Biogeochemistry.
Yes, trees are now part of the problem. I assume we must now burn down all the forests to save the planet!
Maybe we can just burn all the carbon out and then push our atmosphere into the vacuum of outer space. Crisis averted!
A team of ecologists went sniffing for tree farts in ghost forests, which form when saltwater from rising sea levels poisons a woodland, leaving behind a marsh full of standing dead trees. These phantom ecosystems are expected to expand with climate change, but it's unclear exactly how they contribute to the world's carbon budget.
Marcelo Ardón, an ecosystems ecologist and biogeochemist at North Carolina State University, coined the term "tree farts" because of his kids.
"I have an 8-year-old and an 11-year-old, and fart jokes are what we talk about."
Well, that's nice. At least this is consistent with the sophomoric thinking of climate alarmism!
The article, of course, makes sure to mention that tree flatulence is nothing compared to those evil cows, who are totally ruining our planet with their amazing ability to be both cute and delicious.
Tree farts, for instance, have nothing on cow burps. A single dairy cow can emit up to 27 grams of methane — a far more potent greenhouse gas than CO2 — per hour.
Our great-grandkids are going to laugh so hard at us in the future, aren't they?
P.S. Now check out our latest video about how Jeff Bezos wants to live forever and actually can 👇