Sometimes the apocalyptic jokes write themselves, although I guess ultimately this isn't really all that much of a laughing matter:

Ginormous toxic hammerhead worms - which can grow up to 15 inches - have invaded DC backyards as the slithering creatures shock residents and have scientists warning about getting too close.

Americans are being advised to avoid touching the foot-long flatworms, which feast on slugs, snails and earthworms by paralyzing them with the same potent neurotoxin found in deadly puffer fish.

How have I never heard of "ginormous toxic hammerhead worms" before? Has there been a coverup or something? How do you miss these guys?

As it turns out, these gross little suckers like to feast on earthworms. As with most invasive species (like murder hornets and Asian carp), these evil cretins come from Asia.

You also might remember that Asia is giving us "jumping worms":

So the hammerhead worms are eating earthworms and the jumping worms are gobbling up earthworms' food while also stripping the soil of nutrients that plants need.

That's a double whammy.

(Multiply this by a few billion and you'll start to have a problem.)

Now, these worms cannot be killed by blunt force trauma. You can't cut them up. They'll just multiply from even the tip of a tail. So you have to get really drastic here:

The only way to kill the hammerheads, which love moist environments, is to cover them in alcohol, vinegar or salt and to freeze them before disposal.

Okay well that sounds kinda fun. If I gotta go full Commando against these worms then I'm not gonna complain.