Should Biden and Harris assume the highest offices in the land come January, D.C. is going back to business as usual. In case you had hoped that 48-year-career-politician Joe was going to bring a fresh wind of change to the federal landscape, I'm sorry to tell you his recent Cabinet announcement shows he plans to bring back all the old players
Yep, the Swamp is coming back, baby! Are you ready for more foreign wars, higher taxes, censorship of free speech, more kickbacks to large corporations, and trillions in insane spending that goes directly to the political establishment??? I sure am... not!
But don't worry, everyone. The media is here to protect us. After all, democracy dies in darkness. Surely, they will protect us from these things, just like they did during the Obama Administration when it was doing these things. It's not like they portrayed him as a messianic figure, right??
You can be sure to see such levels of jOuRnALiSm if Biden takes office! The days of corrupt politicians having to hide or resorting to honest work under Trump's term are over, and it couldn't come soon enough – especially with those investigations into powerful people that were connected to historic pedophile Jeffrey Epstein or the foreign businesses that bought U.S. influence through the Biden family!
We at Not the Bee have created a visual of what to expect the next four years as our brave media covers every hard-hitting aspect of the presidency, from the favorite treats of the Biden dogs to which Sesame Street character most looks like Kamala Harris! You can be sure the old-school Swamp creatures won't be lining their pockets and destroying liberty while strong reporters at CNN and late-night hosts like Trevor Noah are on the job!
But first, let's look at the iNvEsTiGaTiVe jOuRnaLiSm today's media would have conducted with world leaders in eras past to see how they might have spoken truth to power in those times:
First up, we have noble statesman Joseph Stalin. We're sure Chris Cuomo would have pressed him hard on his policies, making sure to give him extra praise for solving the USSR's food supply issues by simply not feeding those pesky Ukrainians.
Then there's Chairman Mao, who employed similar tactics. I'm sure he and Jimmy Fallon would have had a good laugh and a heart to heart while talking about all those assassinations and the starvation of entire villages during the Great Leap Forward.
Our modern magazines would undoubtedly have kept us informed of important developments in Castro's regime, like which brand of cigar he was currently enjoying.
Now that we have that baseline, let's look at an example of how our professional media class might cover one of the most brutal dictators of today:
Ah, inspiring, isn't it! Don't you feel happy that you get all the glamour of Xi and the CCP without all that yucky stuff like enslaved Uighurs and Big Brother surveillance??
This, of course, brings us to Biden and Harris. We can be certain that our trusted media establishment will be factual, unbiased, and dedicated in the pursuit of truth.
While we were going to whip up some great artist's renditions for this last part, it seems the media has already done our job for us:
Hard-hitting, accountable, bold reporting that will speak truth to power, protect the average man, and defend the bastion of liberty.
