Now folks, what you have here is an absolute masterpiece of a headline and subhead.

There is literally a person in this world who will never take his mask off his face ... even at home with his wife ... even when they are having sex ... even when he is sleeping ... even though they both are vaccinated.

Go ahead and read the thing if you don't believe me:

Let's just recreate the first paragraph here:

I have been married to a great guy for five and a half years. He is handsome, sexy, funny, and kind. It's true that he has always been a little "prissy" about illnesses, but I never thought it was a real problem. However, during the pandemic, his terror about getting sick has reached new levels. For the last year, he has refused to take off his face mask, even when we are at home—just the two of us. This is true even now that he is fully vaccinated for the virus. He wears it to sleep, to do most of his bathroom activities, and, yes, even during lovemaking. To eat, he pulls it up to expose his mouth, and then quickly pulls it back down between bites. While he does not insist that I do the same, I can tell it bothers him that I don't—especially because I have now started going maskless outside, per the CDC guidelines, and plan on restaurant dining inside soon for a girls' night out.

I just ... I don't even know what I could possibly say to add to the absolute ridiculousness of this situation. This is Howard Hughes level insanity.

Obviously the dude has something pathological going on. Being that his wife of 5 years confirmed in her little letter that he is not full-on OCD or germaphobic, I am afraid that I am going to have to diagnose him with an acute case of Leftistballoonheaditis and hereby recommend for treatment that he eat a steak, start a business, go to a gun range, yell "I hate taxes!" 10X per day, and generally just stop being a complete and total ween.