After a recent speech sponsored by the Young America's Foundation, Christian commentator Michael Knowles shocked his audience during a Q&A session by courageously condemning the demonic prevalence of divorce, and specifically no-fault divorce, in modern American culture:
I think it's fair to assume, seeing the face of the young man who had engaged Knowles, that he had never heard anyone talk like that.
And that might best explain, better than most anything else, why our civilization teeters on the precipice of collapse.
Talk critically about any of America's moral problems, highlight any of our myriad sins, and you will hear little objection from me. But if we are actually interested in looking beyond culture war sloganeering, beyond the mere symptoms of decay to actual root causes, any discussion about societal rot has to start in the home. More specifically, it has to start with the primary, integral, fundamental marriage relationship between a man and a woman.
Yes, I know the statistics, and therefore know what I'm wading into here. I know the thin ice I'm stomping across when I can be reasonably assured that any sample size of readers - up to 50% - have been an unwilling or willing participant in divorce.
But the truth remains: Just like the physical laws of our universe are rigid and unforgiving of those who violate them, the moral laws of our universe are likewise.
We can ignore the existence of gravity, declare ourselves liberated from its onerous limitations, and defiantly walk off the edge of a skyscraper. We will quickly learn that physical laws like gravity will act on us whether we say we believe in them or not. The same is true for moral laws.
When the Giver of those physical and moral laws, our Creator, says unequivocally, "I hate divorce," prudent people will humble themselves and pay attention.
In scripture, God permits divorce in at least two specific instances: Adultery within the marriage, and abandonment of a believing spouse by an unbelieving one. But while He permits it, He does not require, suggest, or even encourage it.
'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so' - Matthew 19:8
Why would God not be understanding enough to condone the dissolution of unhappy marriages? The answer is as simple as it is convicting: Because He wants what is best for us, and despite what we often convince ourselves, divorce is not best for us.
Here's where I could cite the sociological data that proves that there is no "happily ever after" where divorce is involved. I could direct you towards some fascinating sociological studies done of unhappy married couples, and what they report five years after either divorce or sticking it out. Suffice it to say, divorce proves extraordinarily effective at introducing new difficulties and initiating new turmoil, but it's extraordinarily ineffective at solving problems and bringing contentment.
We shouldn't be surprised to learn any of that given what is at the heart of divorce. It's the same motivating factor that acts as the source of all sin: pride and idolatry. Having come to worship ourselves, we idolize personal happiness. Never mind that pursuit of happiness is not mentioned in our wedding vows; rather, they entail a specific pledge to God that we will commit to honoring, keeping, and serving not ourselves, but someone else.
Sadly, it's so often the case that given the first sign of discontent, monotony, boredom, or strife, we head for the exit. We "deserve" to be happy, after all. Many of us even implicate God in our self-worship, seeking out snake-oil counselors and therapists who are more than happy to take our money in exchange for telling us what we want to hear: That God would "want us to be happy." It's self-serving rubbish.
There is no lasting happiness apart from obedience to God. That's not because God is tyrannical - it's because He knows that when we obey Him, we will find a lasting joy and peace that far exceeds fleeting human emotions like personal happiness.
Is Knowles right about no-fault divorce laws being wrong? Should our coddling society make it more difficult to terminate a challenging marriage? I'll let others debate whether state-imposed moral guideposts like that will prove effective.
What I would humbly recommend for those tempted by the siren song of marital dissolution is to take stock of your current challenges, then intentionally choose NOT to ask yourself how to improve your personal happiness.
Instead, ask this: "What can I do in this situation to honor and glorify God through obedience to His will over my own?"
