A great challenge is upon us and we must be resolute in its face: The cicadas are starting to pee.

Jun 7th

There are certain things that don't just naturally spring to my mind when I'm going about my day, such as "when is Justin Bieber's next album coming out," or "I wonder what AOC's thoughts are on... anything."

Prior to today, I would have added, "I wonder if a massive horde of insects is peeing on me?"

Yes, it's true, that soft summer rain you were just marveling at given the cloudless cobalt blue sky is quite possibly a golden shower courtesy of the bug of the moment.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, buddy.

Not to worry, the website "Cicadamania" reassures us that the pee is,

"Just watery tree sap (xylem) passed through a cicada."

I don't think that's quite as reassuring as they had intended. It's not like I could pass off my own urine as "just watery gin & tonics passed through my body" and think that makes it perfectly okay that I just accidentally peed on your shoes. (Not that that has ever happened at least not in the sense that it would still fall within the statute of limitations.)

Cicadamania further explains:

When many cicadas congregate on warm days, they feed on the tree fluids and often urinate ‘piss' while doing so. This bug urine is called ‘honeydew.'

"Honeydew." Oh, okay. I'm going to name mine, "jellydrop bubblegum." I assume that makes it okay to skip that whole toilet thing.

The little buggers have pelted me several times while I was observing a little ‘too' close. It isn't uncommon. Lastly, the ‘honeydew' does not stain or stink. In fact, it feels like raindrops.

I could see a downside to that.

Incidentally, they do it on purpose.

"They will squirt fluids at other males, birds or people," Dr. Gene Kritsky, the dean of behavioral and natural sciences at Cincinnati's Mount St. Joseph University, told WLWT5 of the bizarre form of chemical warfare. "They are not urinating on you but trying to ward you away."

They are trying to ward me away by urinating on me. Same difference.

Admittedly effective, however.

The prodigious peeing is part of the cicada's means of regulating body temperature on hot days.

Let's just say I'm grateful my dog only pants.

I'm also grateful that our cicadas do not produce very large amounts of pee, more like an occasional spatter. The Chremistica umbrosa of South-East Asia look like a backyard college frat party on football weekend.

There's something else I'm grateful for.

Cicadas don't poop.


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