Okay you keep thinking you've gotten to the most insane part of this story but the insanity just...keeps...coming:
A Hawaii man and his wife were arrested for allegedly stealing the identity of two babies who died in Texas in the 1960s, with prosecutors claiming that the duo may have ties to the Soviet-era KGB.
You read that correctly: Right out the gate we have folks who may have been literal Soviet secret agents. They're not making those anymore!
Okay, so, they're probably Soviet KGB, and they appear to have stolen the identities of two dead babies, so we're pretty sure they're scumbags. But this whole thing doesn't end there:
The couple assumed the names of Bobby Edward Fort and Julie Lyn Montague, two Texas babies who died when they were under a year old. Prosecutors allege that Primrose used Fort's identity to fraudulently enlist in the U.S. Coast Guard in 1994, eventually obtaining a secret security clearance and serving for more than two decades before landing a job as a defense contractor after his retirement in 2016.
Prosecutors applied to have the couple held without bail, using old Polaroid photographs of the couple wearing KGB uniforms as evidence that the duo is a flight risk. They also allege that Primrose, who was an avionics electrical technician in the Coast Guard, is highly skilled at communicating in secret.
Both Primrose and Morrison applied for and received passports under their fraudulent identities. Primrose was able to successfully apply for a passport under his legal name in 1999 while holding a passport in Fort's name at the same time.
Ooookay, so: We have a husband-wife duo of Commie scummers, one of whom enlisted in the U.S. Coast Guard under a dead baby's name, obtained a mid-level security clearance, became a defense contractor, SOMEHOW GOT TWO PASSPORTS....
HOW IS ANY OF THIS POSSIBLE??
Okay well hopefully if they're guilty of these crimes then they'll be put away for a long time. Meanwhile, we at least have these folks' KGB prom shots to keep us laughing:
Dasvidaniya, comrades!
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