Captain Unity Unity is about to take the stage tonight, conveniently maskless now that the Science™ changed right before the big day, to tell us how he's strengthened the United States with his cunning and resolve.
While it should be fun (get your popcorn ready!) to watch a decrepit man try to hold together the fabric of the most powerful nation in history while he struggles to remember who he is, where he is, and how to form words, you have to almost pity him for the insane task ahead of him:
A pair of new polls released Tuesday indicate Americans are deeply frustrated with Biden's leadership, rising inflation, and the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic — as well as fearful about what may come from Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
A Gallup survey shows that a whopping 78 percent of Americans say they are dissatisfied with the direction of the country, with only 21 percent saying they are satisfied...
A CBS News/YouGov poll found similar levels of discontent, with 68 percent saying things in the US are going either "somewhat badly" or "very badly."
Oof.
I mean, technically, 88% of people on the Gallup poll thought things were bad back in January when Biden was installed as houseplant-in-chief – you know, back before the vaccines when everywhere was still locked down hard and many people were out of work.
For so many people to still be this dissatisfied takes real effort on Biden and the Democrats' part!!
Oh, but it gets worse:
The Gallup poll was conducted in the first weeks of February, before Russia launched its invasion of neighboring Ukraine on Feb. 24.
Maybe that will work in Biden's favor.
All he has to do is weirdly whisper into his microphone and rant about Ukraine for a while. If he makes it a "State of the Ukraine" speech, he might not have to focus on the economy, the border crisis, Afghanistan, his dismal executive orders, the Build Back Better™ collapse, his stoking of racial division, his "moderate radical" policies, his jab mandates, his appointment of people based on sex and skin color, or any of his other failures!
All he has to do is stay alive for 90 minutes, although that might be difficult considering he has to laboriously trudge to make it across a manicured lawn in the slightest of breezes:
"Just don't step in a pothole, Mr. President, because... wow." – Ben Shapiro
Of course, this is assuming he doesn't make any racist jokes, awkward gaffes, or try to kiss anyone in the room!
"Don't underestimate Joe's ability to f*** things up" – former President Barack Obama
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