In a truly selfless act, President Biden has withdrawn from the 2024 race, saving the Democrats from democracy. In handing over all of the delegates Biden won, through an archaic system called a "primary," the Democrat voters can rest assured that their vote is in good hands with Kamala. When asked for comment, Vice President Harris remarked, "Everything is fine. Coups are for chickens — HAhahAhaHAHAHAHA!" But that's not all that happened last week! After a few weird things at the beginning, the GOP Convention went off without a hitch, bringing together Hulk Hogan, the Teamsters, RINOs and Trumpers in unanimous support of the very much alive Trump/Vance ticket. In response, Crowdstrike took down computers worldwide. It was a bit too late to interrupt the convention, but it did make flying out of Wisconsin a bit touch and go for the delegates.
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Biden Tones Down Rhetoric To Say Trump Is Only 93.42% Hitler @stankystankowicz
Trump Reminisces About The Good Old Days When Democrats Were Only Trying To Impeach, Bankrupt And Imprison Him @disidente_redactico
Wife Adds Sloped Floor To Kitchen Remodel So It'll Be Too Dangerous To Make Dinner @kirgol
MSNBC Promises To Stop Using Fake Backdrops As They Broadcast From The Peak Of Mt. Everest @showquest
Agent Down After Stepping On Sloped Lego @alola_rychu
Biden Blames Sloped Roof For Recent Drop In Polls @gfanson
Tragedy Strikes At Secret Service Potluck When Nobody Able To Open Pickle Jar @realmccoy
FBI Says All Data From Trump Assassination Attempt Lost In CrowdStrike Glitch @twoplus2ischicken
In Last Ditch Effort, Joe Biden Releases New Campaign Slogan: 'Be Patient, I Have Dementia' @dontslowtheearth
Trump Has His VP Candidate Sign A Prenup This Time @ruthiej714
It's Over Anakin, You're On A Sloped Roof @thebigfreeze
The Biden Foundation Proudly Announces That The Joe Biden Presidential Library Will Be Located In The Basement Of The Barack Obama Presidential Library @njhokie84
Biden Spends The Weekend At Bernie Sander's @buzzyboy
Biden Diagnosed With "Look At Me" COVID Strain @drconservativeprof
DEI History: Trump Picks First Bearded-American Candidate Since 1892 @webidtheefarewell
Biden Buys Another 35,000 Votes For About $34,000 With Student Loan Forgiveness @coachjoeconway
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Venting Anger Over U.S. Political Scene, Weeding Woman Ends Up In China @irishtempercatholic
After Shooting, Leftists Warn Of Widespread Civility And Lack Of Rioting By Trump Supporters @showquest
Trump Flanked By Multitude Of Nephilim At RNC @annafillaxis
Conspiracy Theorist Claims Biden Actually Running Country @baberahamlincoln
Law Enforcement Declines Giving Details Of An Ongoing Cover Up @amos_behavin
Local Woman Doesn't Think Political Temperature Warm Enough @webidtheefarewell
Pelosi: We Must Assassinate Trump To Find Out If He Needs Better Protection @tylermontgomery
Husband Shouts ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!' After Surviving Man Flu @jswag
"It Looks Like You Are Trying To Cover Up A Major Inside-Job Sabotage Cyber Attack" Clippy Offers Solution To Crowdstrike @chestertonsfence
Jill Biden Making Plans To Open Breakfast Burrito Food Truck @bakmboston
Kamala Withholds Biden's Sunday Ice Cream Until He Agrees To Sign This Little Letter @abby_libby
Biden Drops Out, Endorses The Black Woman @fonzie
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Seeking A Blessing From Waheguru, At Noonday, RINOs At RNC Begin To Shout Louder And Cut Themselves In Case He Was Thinking, Sleeping, Or Pooping @natelee
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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