In an effort to improve professionalism in the U.S. Secret Service, President Trump has directed the agency to stop recruiting from Waffle House. An investigation following recent knock-down-drag-out brawls among agents has determined that the current recruiting method of sitting in a Waffle House and hiring any able-bodied person who walks in for coffee, steak, eggs, and waffles at 2AM might not be the best idea. It is believed the steaming hash browns served smothered, covered, capped, topped, or "all the way" and waffles available 24 hours a day, while delicious, may attract the wrong crowd. Trump is convinced that even though it may be convenient to recruit agents while eating waffles in the dead of night, it may not be the best strategy. Raising the bar, the Secret Service will now be recruiting new agents at Dennys. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline by @slateslabrock.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Fired Harvard Professor Says She Has The Support Of 130% Of The Student Body @dontslowtheearth
Brigette Macron Does The World A Solid @ruthiej714
Boston Judge Orders Sons Of Liberty To Replace Damaged British Tea @gfanson
VBS Teacher Ascends To Heaven After Dealing With Aiden All Week @kirgol
Local Girl Scout Breaks All Time Cookie Sales Record By Setting Up Outside Cannabis Dispensary @njhokie84
Democrats Lay Wreath At Tomb Of The Unknown Jihadist @molivson
Hillary Clinton Urges Americans To Reflect On Trumps Bad Bill And Not All The Soldiers She Lost At Benghazi @thebigfreeze
Uh Oh! Daughter's First Boyfriend Beats Dad On Family Board Game Night @priehle
Brigitte Quickly Brushes Eyelash Off Macron's Face @annafillaxis
After Latest Fight Of Secret Service Agents At Obama's Residence, Secret Service Vows To Stop Recruiting From Waffle House @slateslabrock
Rookie Husband Apologizes For Always Being Right @djnugget83
Scholars Believe The Fatal Wound Of Revelation 13 Was A New Covid Variant @mjja
Professor Prevents Students From Using ChatGPT By Making Them Enter Prompts In Cursive @drconservativeprof
Theologians Confirm Battle Of Armageddon Will Take Place At Waffle House @twoplus2ischicken
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Parliament Designates English As Britain's Official Second Language @actodiurno
AOC Recommends Traveler's Avoid Baggage Fees By Flying On Private Jets @dontslowtheearth
Jesus Miraculously Heals BMW Driver Of Not Using Turn Signal @twoplus2ischicken
Trump Pardons Pepé Le Pew From All 12,000 Sexual Assault Allegations @westland619
Five Guys Offers $5 Meal Deal Consisting Of A Single Pickle @dustynederlander
David Hogg Revealed To Be Three Dylan Mulvaneys In A Trench Coat @drconservativeprof
Sad: Freedom Wasted On Tofu Drumsticks @alola_rychu
Old Man Fondly Recalls When Facebook Was All Farmland @mrhugs
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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