Some voters did something last Tuesday that stunned the world. (Well, actually in some states it started three months before last Tuesday...) In what many are hailing as a miracle of modern vote counting technology, it became clear in the wee hours of Wednesday morning that the Biden 3AM ballots were not going to show for Kamala, and even if they did, would not be able to overcome the gargantuan lead racked up by Hitler. Kamala was late to concede, as women often are, finally speaking on Wednesday afternoon. But by that time, the world had moved on — with Trump already drawing up plans to annex the Sudetenland — so no one really paid much attention to whatever it was Hillary Clinton had also said back in the day. Kamala appeared happy to return Hillary's borrowed glass ceiling in mint condition, and these two are now reportedly besties, due to their shared lived experience. Insiders report they plan on shaving their heads live on TikTok to show the country just how wrong we were to choose the bad orange man. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Headlines are now clickable!)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Potted Plant Wonders Who Will Talk To It Once Joe's Gone @kirgol
Biden Accidentally Reelected President After Officials Fail To Reprogram Voting Machines @dontslowtheearth
America Asks If Trump Can Start Early Since The Position Is Vacant @disidente_redactico
‘Putin Controls Trump,' Says Party That Gave Russia A Mass Murderer For WNBA Player @showquest
America Dodges Bullet @littlejedi
Sad: White Dude For Harris Finds JD Vance Pictures On Wife's Phone @thebigfreeze
Progressive That Can't Tell What A Woman Is Really Wants A Woman President @drconservativeprof
Trump To Sign Free Speech Executive Order Day One Of His Dictatorship @priehle
RNC Sends Fruit Baskets To Clooney, Reiner, For Their Help In Electing President Trump @carolyn1
Leftists Flock To California To Put Out Wildfires With Their Tears @babylonandonanon
Rogan Steps Into Pile Of Garbage At Trump Rally @ruthiej714
Kamala Animatronic Found In Dumpster Behind Hall Of Presidents @twoplus2ischicken
Biden Promises To Appoint Left-Handed Trans Filipino Drag Queen With Type 1 Diabetes To SCOTUS If Sotomayor Resigns @stankystankowicz
White Dudes For Harris Go On Strike: Refuse To Ask Wives To Open Pickle Jars For Them @realmccoy
Local Man Suffering From Election Burn-Out Decides To Hibernate For A Week Until Votes Are Counted @dorli
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favs:
Deep State Panics As MAGA Squirrels And Squirrel Lives Matter Unite To Save America @priehle
Kamala Says On Day One She Will Cut Needless Regulation Like The Constitution @baberahamlincoln
Dominion Voting Machine In Maricopa County Just An Easy-Bake Oven @disidente_redactico
New York Times Condemns Trump For Refusing To Concede @daviddeeble
Missing 20 Million Democrat Votes Found In Biden's Garage @showquest
Tim Walz Says He's Still Proud To Have Reached The Rank Of Vice President @toddsbee
Local Boomers Avoiding News Because They DVR'ed Election Night To Watch Later @morg13084
CNN Now Projects George Washington 'Likely Winner' Of 1788 Election @bobola
Collective Sigh Of Relief Heard Coming From Disney Hall Of Presidents @kirgol
Oprah Warns If Jake Becomes Student Body President It Will Be The Last Election At York High @tylermontgomery
American Voters Identified As Chief Threat To Democracy @brrrtreynolds
Trump Win Destroys Abortion Industry After Liberal Women Go On Sex Strike @dontslowtheearth
@BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Kamala Less Popular Than Hitler @somemidwesternguy
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico
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