President Trump has been busy this past week fixing the United States government by firing just about everyone and starting over, but one of the most important issues of the day that has been overlooked by literally everyone is that too many things around the world are named after other countries. Trump, fulfilling his pledge to put America first, has renamed the Gulf of Mexico the "Gulf of America," Canada "America North," the Earth "Planet of America," and the Babylon Bee "The American Bee." Seth Dillon expressed his gratitude and said that this change will most certainly improve morale at the Bee. But that's not all that happened this week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
DOGE Buys TikTok To Access Sensitive Treasury Department Payment Data @dontslowtheearth
China Announces Oddly Specific Tariffs On Orange Spray Tan @drconservativeprof
Trump Changes Name Of Earth To Planet Of America @thebigfreeze
AOC Swollen From All The Babylon Bee Stings @ruthiej714
Scandalous: Babylon Bee Receives USAID Funds To Publish Fake News @priehle
Gaza Real Estate Market Explodes After Trump Announcement @thewalkman
Education Dept Guard Reminds Maxine Waters That Requesting ID Is Racist @ilovelamp123
"I Told You I'd Leave The Country If Trump Won!" -Op Ed By Illegal Alien @buzzyboy
Articles Of Impeachment Allege Trump Used Fabric Scissors To Cut Several Non-fabric Items @fishythepenguin
Trump Signs "No Testicles In Women's Sports" Executive Order @twoplus2ischicken
"Unelected Bureaucrats Shouldn't Fire Unelected Bureaucrats," Say Unelected Bureaucrats @garbageman24
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Op-Ed: Man Colds Are A Very Serious Issue And Hey Are You Listening To Me? @martinluther
Joshua's Wife Asks Him To Stop Slowly Marching Around Jenga Tower During Her Turn @leecory
Chip And Joanna Gaines Nominated As Ambassadors To Gaza @niceguy79
Matt Walsh Convinces President Trump To Ban Toys That Make Noise @maryquitecontrary
After Lawsuit DOGE Forced To Get Sensitive American Financial Information From China @dontslowtheearth
Husband Hires CBS To Edit Down Wife's Explanation Of How Her Day Went @webidtheefarewell
Nations Cut Off From USAID Funds Now Must Hate The US For Free @bigd
Adam Vows To Quit Old Grape Juice After Waking Up With Hangover Next To Woman @niceguy
New FBI Intern Jillary Krimpton Offers To Deliver The Epstein Client List To Pam Bondi @carlcamera
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
