While other articles may require a witty introduction, this one needs no silver-tongued prose to set the stage. Here at Not the Bee, we report only real news, despite appearances to the contrary.
Without further ado, I present Joe Biden:
"The only person calling to defund the police is Donald Trump."
– Joe Biden, in the Year of our Lord 2020
As you sit in bewildered shock, wondering if you have been teleported to some sort of alternate reality where the cities of America haven't been burning for months on end in anti-police riots stoked by a certain political party, let me assure you: this is an actual quote from the septuagenarian presidential contender. In perhaps his most impressive display of gaslighting yet, Biden throws caution to the wind and informs us that Orange Man Bad is actually the villain here.
It's a bold strategy: one that requires a blind eye to a long list of facts to the contrary. You know, things like:
• Democratic "Squad" members Rashida Tlaib and Ayanna Pressley calling to defund the police.
• Fellow Squad member Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (taking a moment from tying her shoelaces) calling to defund the police.
• Democratic NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio actually cutting funding for his police department by $1 billion.
• A group of Hollywood celebrities (who are definitely diverse in their political views) signing a letter to defund police departments.
• The Democratic city council of Minneapolis abolishing their entire police department.
• Democratic controlled L.A. defunding their police department by $150 million.
• Scores of left-leaning businesses like Ben and Jerry's repeatedly promoting the "Defund the Police" movement in recent months.
There's also the fact that the largest police union in the U.S. endorsed Trump this month, following the NYC Police Benevolent Association's endorsement last month.
None of these silly facts will stop Joe Biden. You may think that it's Biden's party that has been disparaging the police and encouraging riots across the nation. Grandpa Joe, however, wants you to know that you can't trust your own eyes. The only person you can trust is him.
Of course, there's also the awkward fact that Biden himself said he would defund the police, but Joe ain't taking malarkey from anyone, even himself!
If you're still confused, that's okay. After all, ignorance is strength!
