Bill Barr is a pretty cool dude.

I mean that in the literal sense. He has one of the coolest heads in the nation. You may not always agree with him, but he seemed like the perfect counterbalance during the times when Trump, God bless him, went a tad nuclear in certain situations that required tact.

That being said, I remain a WEE bit skeptical about this part of his newest book:

"I personally reviewed that video footage," Barr added. "It shows conclusively that between the time Epstein was locked in his cell at 7:49 p.m. on the night of August 9 and the time he was discovered the next morning at 6:30 a.m., no one entered his tier."

The former attorney general recognized that "a perfect storm of failures" preceded Epstein's death and that "[t]he fact that so many failures occurred at one time understandably led people to suspect the worst."

Again, with all due respect to Barr, methinks the most powerful people on the planet – who regularly visited the preeminent trafficker of young girls on his private pleasure island – might have been able to flub some security footage and get someone into a poorly staffed American jail to take him out... especially after Epstein's cellmate was removed, the camera watching him went out, and the guards who were supposed to be watching him were looking the other way (and charged for covering their negligence up).

I'm really not a conspiracy theorist. I just wasn't born yesterday.

Spy books like The Bourne Identity might be a bit sensational, but my goodness, if the Hashashins could get a man inside the very tent of the powerful Muslim general Saladin during the 12th century, are you telling me there's no one out there who can get into a Manhattan prison to off the most notorious criminal on the planet?

"As for Epstein," Barr wrote, "it was no consolation to me that an odious criminal was dead. He should have been given a fair trial and, if found guilty, made to answer for his crimes. That he was not is deeply disappointing to me."

I mean, it would be one thing if Epstein's right-hand man had just "committed suicide" in France last month.

And it might be suspicious if Epstein's right-hand woman was involved in criminal proceedings in the U.S. that were being kept under wraps, and if she were afraid for her own life.

And it might cause one to question the narrative if the entire world knew the names of everyone who donated $25 to Canadian truckers honking for freedom, but no one knows the clients of a ludicrously wealthy sex trafficker who had U.S. presidents and British princes on his planes.

But those are total theoreticals, so I'm sure everything is fine.

Once again, we're getting a lot of mileage out of this GIF these days:

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