Here's an instant classic for ya out of Orlando.

Some context: This lady was a little too intoxicated to get on her flight home to New York; so much so, that Southwest denied her service when she tried to board. Then, well, she rode away on a surprisingly speedy motorized suitcase.

Even the officer was amazed by the speed of this thing.

Okay, I'm sorry, but where do I get one of those suitcases?

I need this!

Like, now.

I must say, I give Officer Andrew Mamone A LOT of credit for remaining as calm as he did. It was almost as if he was having a fun moment with his drunk friend Chelsea. He just wanted her to get out of there without getting herself into trouble.

Too bad.

He did his best.

After Chelsea refused to comply and spit in his face a few times, he and another officer loaded her into a patrol car and sent her on her way.

While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Alston ripped apart the police vehicle's fabric headliner and defecated in the seat, causing an estimated $1,200 in damage, according to an arrest report.

Alston was later released from the Orange County jail on a $13,500 bond, records show.

Moral of the story: try not to get too drunk at the airport.

(BTW, as far as I can tell, Chelsea was not charged with a DUI.)

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