In a startling discovery that shook the commonwealth to its very core, it was recently revealed that both Thomas Jefferson and George Mason lived in the 18th century.

Due to the unforgivable crimes of conforming to the standards of their time, they of course must now be canceled.

The move in Falls Church City got underway in the aftermath of the George Floyd killing and the renewed attention being drawn to historical figures who were slaveholders including both Jefferson and Mason.

Sure, you could argue that both men were essential to the birth of the nation, Jefferson penning the Declaration of Independence, and Mason, the Virginia Declaration of Rights which formed the basis for the nation's Bill of Rights.

But, as School Board member Lawrence Webb pointed out,

"Those words didn't have me or other people of color in their mind at the time."

An interesting take given that that is not exactly true.

"At the time of the American Revolution, Jefferson was actively involved in legislation that he hoped would result in slavery's abolition. In 1778, he drafted a Virginia law that prohibited the importation of enslaved Africans. In 1784, he proposed an ordinance that would ban slavery in the Northwest territories."

It's comforting to know people like that are in charge of education.

Did Jefferson or Mason live up to their lofty ideals? Does anyone?

We should not make light of slavery, but neither did these men. They knew it was an unabashed evil and was a doomed institution and were indispensable in creating a nation that would one day, as both men well knew, not only abolish slavery in ALL the states but bring freedom to the world.

This legacy dwarfs their personal shortcomings, serious as they were.

Knowing that the move to rename the schools would be controversial and that it would be important to secure the support of the Falls Church City community, the school board commissioned a survey to measure how the various stakeholders felt about the move, promising that,

"Results will be used to help decide whether to rename the schools."

And then ignored it in its entirety.

"A majority of respondents — 56% overall — support keeping the names Thomas Jefferson and George Mason, two key historical figures from Virginia who publicly supported an end to slavery, while privately enslaving Black people."

Well, that's still pretty close, I mean it's barely a ma...

"For George Mason, 26% support a name change, and for Thomas Jefferson, that population is 23%. The rest had no opinion."

Okay, okay, but I think it's important that you look at the breakdown which clearly proves that... um, not a single stakeholder supported the name change. Not parents, not staff, not students, no one.

Who did support it? Why, the members of the school board, unanimously, who of course know better.

Greg Anderson, chair of the Falls Church School Board, said,

"After deep and careful consideration of everything I've heard and read, I conclude that renaming both schools is in the best interest of our students and a necessary part of our equity work."

These would be the same students three-quarters of which were either opposed or didn't care.

"I considered the survey results and the community discussion that followed, and I revisited our public hearings … I conclude that the public is split,...

Quick reminder: The man who is in charge of education, concluded that a 25/75 result is a "split."

Oh, but he has an explanation,

"...and if you go beyond the simple number, I've heard reasoned perspectives from those in favor of retaining the names and from those in favor of changing the names."

And then if you go back to that "simple number," you realize you've heard reasoned perspectives from more than half in favor of retaining the names and from only one quarter in favor of changing the names.

I like simple numbers.

A former student, William Henneberg, probably said it best,

"Do not encourage our students to be victims or to use offense as a means to shut others down. Encourage our children to be critical thinkers."

One of the speakers at the meeting, Dr. Jennifer Santiago, disagreed.

"We need to listen very strongly to the minority response to this survey, because the voices making up that number are the ones most negatively affected by the lives and legacies of these two men."

I think you have to try really hard to be the complete opposite of correct. It's a real talent. Not particularly useful mind you, but still impressive. To wit:

The people most negatively affected by the lives and legacies of Jefferson and Mason, aside from King George and his soldiers, were the slaves they owned.

The least negatively affected, as in those who have received the most benefit of the liberty and freedoms that these men had such a hand in shaping, are precisely those students at Jefferson and Mason, every single one, and every single American alive today.

In other Falls Church Public school news, they will remain closed other than for remote learning until next year.