What da heck?
Seriously, what in the world am I looking at?
It took me more than a few minutes to answer this question, but for you, dear reader, I plunged into the depths of internet insanity to find the answers.
Here's the lowdown:
While you may think this is parody, it is actually a very real and very serious article from GQ where the fashion magazine fawns like a teen pop fan over America's oldest president.
Yes, you read that right. A magazine seriously used the word "swagger" to describe the politician known for having the energy of a year-old potato.
Here's what the article said:
"The 46th POTUS is more than the savior of the Union... He's a true-blue style icon too."
I have no words. Such sycophantic drivel makes my eyes burn.
But it gets worse. Oh so much worse.
Again, what follows is not meant to be humor, but it's still a train wreck of laughable cringe.
GQ photoshopped Biden in various poses to show off his sTyLe (note: the number of people taking fashion tips from Joe Biden is approximately ZERO).
Keep a handy supply of water nearby to flush out your eyes. You have been warned.
Seriously, last chance.
.
.
.
May God have mercy on your soul.
The Wolf of the White House
"When it comes to pattern, Biden knows it's all about pin or chalk stripes, but it's really in the accessories that a commander-in-chief's mettle is measured, so make like the man himself and ensure your briefcase is croc, your shoes handmade and your specs? Fully sexed."
Rodeo Joe
"Like some bronco-riding, lasso-swinging love child of Ennis Del Mar and Billy The Kid, Biden knows his way around a tasselled suede jacket and ten-gallon hat better than most of his presidential predecessors, Dubya notwithstanding. Oh, and he's not one to be thrown off by an overinflated orange rodeo clown, either."
The Prep Elect
"Joe Biden has been serving up those sweet Ivy League goods ever since his days playing freshman football at the University Of Delaware. From classic Weejuns pennies worn with white socks to this season's panelled pastel Oxfords teamed with jazzy Madras shorts, you'd better believe Biden's got you prepped."
True-Blue Biden
"Anyone who's seen a photo of the improbably handsome cad that is a young Joe Biden will know he'd not only have given Jimmy Dean a run for the money in the looks department, but in the style stakes too."
The London Daily had an on-point analysis of the reasoning behind this insanity:
"[Fashion] writers – who spent the Obama years gushing about Barack's fondness for basketball and Michelle's 'sparkling' fashion sense – were no longer fascinated with the human side of the president after 2016. Donald Trump's personal habits were only newsworthy when they inspired revulsion, and though Melania Trump was a model, her fashion only attracted attention when it could be portrayed as racist. With Joe Biden in charge, these writers are once again ready to resume service."
The Swagger-in-Chief cometh!!
Enjoy bleaching your eyeballs.
