These days it's no easy life being a corrupt billionaire Russian oligarch:

Fiji's government seized a massive $325 million yacht owned by a Russian oligarch at the request of the United States, the Department of Justice announced Thursday.

The 348-Amadea, owned by Suleiman Kerimov, an alleged money launderer sanctioned by the US in 2018 as one of several oligarchs who profited from the Kremlin "through corruption and its malign activities around the globe, including the occupation of Crimea," the DOJ said.

"This ruling should make clear that there is no hiding place for the assets of individuals who violate U.S. laws," Attorney General Merrick Garland said in a statement.

That's good to know, but where exactly would you "hide" an obscenely large yacht worth a third of a billion dollars?

In any event, oh, brother, you might think you know luxury; you might even think you can picture it in your mind's eye. Unfortunately, like the Matrix, nobody can be told what this kind of opulence is...

Photos of this yacht come by way of Guillaume Plisson, a photographer who seems to specialize in taking shots of massive luxury boats.

Here's what $325 million will get you:

Yes, that's a pool...with built-in sun beds around it...and a bar you can drink at while still at the pool...and some kind of shower fixture that looks like it came straight from Minority Report.

Ahhh, but don't worry though, that was just the lowest level of this yacht.

There are literally three terraces above it—one of which has another pool! I believe I'm also detecting fire pits on at least two of those levels. That's so you don't get cold while walking from one pool to the next.

If you don't wanna walk up to the second pool on the outside decks, you can always take the Grand Staircase, which looks like something Louis XIV might have designed. Oh also that's just one of the staircases on this yacht. Yes, there are other staircases.

Yes, this magnificent boat comes with its own personal Hair Cuttery! Which makes sense because if you're barreling around in this thing you gotta stay fresh.

If you've always wanted an Italian villa but couldn't afford it, don't worry: Your yacht comes equipped with one anyway. Although if you can afford this yacht...you can afford a three-bedroom in Campania, I'm sure of it.

Those government workers in Fiji are probably having a grand ol' time on this sucker!

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