The director of marketing and flavor development (I'm sure it's a thing) over at Mountain Dew needs to be canned. And not like a carbonated beverage.

The limited edition seasonal drink that Mountian Dew is introducing this year is...

Fruit Quake.

Fruit.

Quake.

As in a play off "Fruitcake", the most disposed of holiday dessert in the history of Christmas.

Just think about it, have you ever actually seen anyone eat one bite of fruitcake? Much less try it yourself?

No, you haven't, because fruitcake exists solely to add puke-like colors to the dessert table spread and to make non-bakers feel like they're contributing something to the meal when obviously the saran-wrapped log they picked up at the store is just going straight in the trash can once they leave.

The company described the flavor as Mountain Dew "with a blast of artificial fruitcake flavor."

Which honestly could mean anything, depending on where you get your fruitcake.

Does it taste like nuts?

Maraschino cherries?

Mulling spices?

That mysterious green fruit that no one is quite sure what it is?

Nobody knows!

Can we please just be done with the frankenfood?

Plain ol' Mountain Dew is perfectly good, there's really no need to make it festive. Unless you're adding it to your Christmas punch, in which case, carry on.