I'm pretty sure this is how Rome began its long inexorable decline into irrelevance. It's probably in one of Plutarch's lost works or something.

Due to the shortage, Heald [Carnival's brand ambassador] said the cruise line will set up a schedule for when bacon is served to passengers. "We are going to have to temporarily move to an every-other-day schedule for bacon at the Lido buffet," he said.

I think that bears repeating.

"We are going to have to temporarily move to an every-other-day schedule for bacon at the Lido buffet."

The Lido buffet, or "marketplace," is one of Carnival's signature features and so is taken very seriously by both the company and its patrons.

The fact that bacon is involved, only compounds the potential for hysteria.

Perhaps more than any other food, bacon tends to be a topic of debate amongst cruisers. In the past, tempers have flared when cruise lines have had crew members serving bacon (as opposed to letting people serve themselves), leading to accusations of rationing by the "bacon police."

This time, however, the problem is very real.

Understanding the panic that could ensue, Heald did his best to take measures that would assure passengers that there would in fact be ample bacon, and that there was no reason to set fire to the omelet station.

"If you see a sign saying 'Today, we're not serving bacon, don't worry, it's going to be back the next day."

That wasn't going to be enough and Heald knew it, so he went even further.

Despite a shortage of the popular breakfast item on Carnival's cruise lines, Heald made it clear that the company won't be rationing bacon. "We are not going to ration you and say you can only have one piece. But if we serve it every day, we will have run out by the end of the week," he said.

This was a wise move since giving someone just one piece of bacon would be unspeakably cruel.

What about other breakfast items (asked no one ever)?

The bacon shortage will not impact Carnival's ability to stock other breakfast favorites, Heald said. Items such as ham and sausage will still be in good supply.

The bacon shortage is being attributed in part to prices, grain supplies, and regulatory changes. However, one does have to wonder if this is all part of a long-term strategy by our social betters to wean the populace off meat consumption.

Who's up for some fungus strips?

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P.S. - Take a break from your bacon woes with our newest video about a birthday party gone horribly wrong: