Hello there, fellow travelers in the Twilight Zone. In this episode, we find ourselves faced with another enlightened effort by the woke to destroy the pillars of communication, creativity, and fun itself.
On April 27th, Penn State's inclusivity inquisition (also known as the faculty senate) passed important resolutions that are sure to make the world a better place. They included:
- Moving away from naming conventions that are too "male-centric" by eliminating the terms "freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior" with the lame British system of 1st-year, 2nd-year, etc.
- Replacing "underclassmen" and "upperclassmen" with "lower division" and "upper division," which totally sounds less dehumanizing.
- Banning the nickname "super-senior" for anyone who fails to complete their liberal studies degree in 4 years, replacing it with "5th-year" or "advanced-standing" students. This is extremely important, lest said super seniors wake up and realize they might be wasting their life on said liberal studies degree.
- Eliminating all use of personal pronouns "he/him" and "she/her" at the university, replacing such pronouns with they/them/theirs or using titles like "student" and "staff member" instead. Who would have thought that a thousand years after the bloodthirsty Vikings introduced "they/them" into the English lexicon, that their patriarchal savagery would ultimately win the day? Hail Odin the All-Father!
Here was the faculty senate's reasoning for these super important changes:
"The University, as with most all academic institutions world-wide, has grown out of a typically male-centered world. As such, many terms in our lexicon carry a strong, male-centric, binary character to them. Terms such as ‘freshmen' are decidedly male-specific, while terms such as ‘upperclassmen' can be interpreted as both sexist and classist. Terms such as ‘junior' and ‘senior' are parallel to western male father-son naming conventions, and much of our written documentation uses he/she pronouns."
There you have it. Obviously, anything having to do with men or white people is sexist and racist, and eliminating those things based on gender, race, and culture is apparently not sexist, racist, or xenophobic at all!
If Penn State students want to have the privilege of using the full breadth of the English language in all its glory, they will have to take an advanced and meaningful course like gender studies:
"The committee recognizes that there may be places where these terms, especially gender terms, may need to remain intact, for example in the case of courses or degrees that delve into gender studies."
No penalties were listed for students and faculty that fail to adhere to this Newspeak, but I assume they will be sent to Azkaban where Dementors will proceed to consume their very souls (which might be preferable to following these rules).
As it stands, the university might not need to worry about reeducation or the gulags for its students, since 88% reportedly agree with the changes like the good little drones they are. Remember, shilling out tons of money for your kids to be reprogrammed into robots is a great investment!
Well done, Penn State! You are definitely making the world a more fun and less divisive place with your conformist wokeism. Keep it up!
