The first day of school is an exciting time for many students—a leap into a school year fresh with possibility and knowledge and fun. Well, that was before COVID came along and consumed every waking thought of every single public official and government administrator in the country, including educational authorities.
Now, instead of having their minds opened to the wonders of education, schoolchildren are literally being taught to walk like zombies:
I know, I know: You're saying to yourself, "That's bad, but it's just at one location, it's not like it's happening anywhere else." Yeah, that's what they always say at the start of a zombie apocalypse, right?
But it's spreading; it has grown beyond our control. In Idaho:
Leading a class down the hallway, one teacher reminded her students to use their "zombie arms," telling them to put their hands in front of them when they were walking in line to make sure they had enough space between themselves and their classmates.
In New Mexico:
In the cafeteria at Piñon, where whole classes of students would have sat together at one table for lunch in years past, classmates had to sit 6 feet apart and face forward Friday. Students also made "zombie" and "superhero" motions with their arms as they walked quietly through the halls to make sure they were properly spaced apart in lines.
"To help keep students spaced out, we're using strategies such as explaining how important it is to walk on line like a 'zombie' with their arms out in front of them," says Elizabeth DeVore, a kindergarten teacher at Boevers Elementary School in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Hmmm: Teaching students to mistrust each other and view each other as little more than potential deadly threats and vectors for disease...that really does sound like a zombie apocalypse. Or maybe just the last eighteen months of pure and undiluted COVID hysteria.
P.S. Now take a brain break and enjoy our viral video "How to speak Bidenese" 👇